It happens to the best of us. So much alcohol, such crappy lighting, they looked really good in the dark and it seemed like a good idea at the time. But what do you do when you wake up on Beige and have to make the high-visibility trek back home? You rock your hurricane hair like the Amy Winehouse look is what you had in mind, you reek of weed and your heels stick to the cobblestones on Locust. You look ridiculous. We're not saying you shouldn't have random drunken sex - actually, random drunken sex is our favorite kind! - but here are ways to clean up your sloppy transit.
Make Sure to Bring:
Flip flops: They fit in your bag and are much less conspicuous than four-inch Jimmy Choos paired with too-big basketball shorts.
iPod: This is a must-have; not only is it unlikely that someone "walk of shaming" would have their iPod, but it also gives you something to improve the walk. Suggested soundtrack: Dragonette's "I Get Around," U2's "Walk On," et al.
Fresh Grocer bag: This fits in your clutch, can hold the heels and whatever else you had on the night before and gives the illusion that you just went grocery shopping. There's potential for some rustling noises in your bag while you're out at a party, but it's more than worth it the next day when you don't have to hide stilettos in your jacket.
Orbit: Your chance to test out if it really is "a good clean feeling, no matter what."
Walk alternate routes:
We recommend taking Sansom. the narrow road and lack of Penn buildings lining its sidewalks assures that you're less likely to be noticed. Or take the bull by the horns and walk right up Locust Walk. Depending on which direction you're going you'll either look like you studied in the basement of Van Pelt all night or that you are headed there to start.
Photo finish:
Remember, instead of looking like a hungover co-ed, you'll just be another Penn student headed home from Fresh Grocer listening to Bono and chewing gum. Weirder things are seen on a daily basis.
