There’s a Where’s Waldo? costume party, and all you have left in your closet are the white-and-red striped socks you found in the Quad’s communal laundry room your freshman year. What to do? You could opt for body paint and some Harry Potter spectacles, but it’s really too early in the semester to contemplate going full-on slutty (after all, desperation tends to peak around Halloween). The only viable, and might we say tempting, option is to scamper off to Urban Outfitters and discover a permanent oasis of striped clothing. From socks to shoes to v-necks to hoodies, Urban’s got your Waldo problems forever solved.
For those not horizontal-line-inclined, fret not. Unsurprisingly, there is more to Urban than Waldo and stripy things. With items like hamburger phones and mint rose lip salve, Urban knows how to present you with gloriously diverse products and convince you that you must possess them all. Sure, you might leave the store with more than one unnecessary piece (can you say Penis Pokey?) but your bum, bedecked in Urban’s finest new frilly lingerie, will surely be pleased.
Despite the eclectic and glorious nature of this hip emporium, there are a few downfalls that new customers should go in knowing. The most important of these is that more often than not, something you buy at Urban will have been bought by someone else on campus. With every sunny day, a little rain must come. And at this illustrious store, the rain comes in identical outfit-shaped droplets.
It should be clear to you, oh Penn shopper, that Urban Outfitters is no niche secret. You will probably find someone else wearing the exact top you thought looked “quirky” and spent too much money on sitting next to you in recitation. But you are probably not superficial enough to care. What you might care about however is the PMS-laden staff who will either shrug off your questions with an unhelpful nod or rave about how “impossibly awesome!” your [insert trendy item here] is while forgetting to fetch you the shoe you needed in a size 9.
However, you’re probably going to overlook these failings when you realize Urban has the [insert trendy item here] you’ve been looking for, and proceed to waltz on in.
Urban Outfitters
110 S. 36th Street
(215) 387-6990
The Goods: apparel, home goods, hamburger phones
The Bottom Line: Everything and anything you could possibly need to look oh-so-trendy.
