Street hit up Wawa at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night and asked the post–party customers where they see themselves in five years. Some struggled through the arithmetic. But others laid out five–year plans with bullet point precision. Which proves that, no matter the time, Penn students are totally neurotic.

Street: Where do you see yourself in five years?

“Somewhere that is not the Wawa on 38th and Spruce at 3 in the morning”

“Sleeping, probably, in five years at three in the morning.” Street: It’s only two in the morning. “Oh, but if it’s 2 a.m., probably raging somewhere, probably abroad.”

“President of jail. Yeah, the President of jail.” Street: How are you going to get there? “I think I have to stab the most people to be president.”

“Actually with a major, hopefully with a job, maybe in grad school.”

“Law school. It can open up a lot of doors. I want to live comfortably but not ostentatiously.”

“Hungover on my friend’s couch, perhaps?”

“I will either be in medical school or getting a law degree or a Poli Sci degree of some sorts. But unfortunately they are two divergent paths.” Street: How will you decide? “One will be more enticing than the other and I’ll just have to choose one. You’re caught between two loves, so what can you do?”

Street: What have you been up to tonight?

“Tonight, my friend and I’ve been visiting frats and solidifying friendships. Great stuff. We met pretty much yesterday but we’re already close friends.”