Street: You’re in a band called Fat Panther. How did you guys come up with the name? GB: We were originally Sex Panther for the first year, which is the worst name in music history, probably. And the next year we decided we needed a change, so we downgraded. We went from getting sex to getting fat.
Street: A fat panther is the _____ of the jungle. GB: The really cool band that likes to chill or party or entertain at your event, including frat parties, block parties, underpants parties, birthday parties, surprise birthday parties, b’nai mitzvahs, surprise b’nai mitzvahs and other worship services, all for a price you can’t beat and quality you can’t match! Of the jungle.
Street: What is your take on the ‘90s nostalgia trend? GB: I was once denied participation on Slime Time Live, which pretty much ruined the entire decade for me.
Street: What did you want to be when you were little? GB: I’ve never had an aspiration in my life. I’ve never had a goal. I’ve never had a dream. Never planned for the future. I’ll never be disappointed.
Street: You're a philosophy major.What is the meaning of life? GB: I’m so far from knowing. Again, the lack of aspiration.
Street: What does Heybuddy, your hamster, think the meaning of life is? GB: Well, Heybuddy’s universe is his plastic house. And his treadmill. I think he thinks the meaning of life is getting fed, running and avoiding eating his poop.
Street: Does Heybuddy help you pick up chicks? GB: Oh yeah, Heybuddy’s a real chick magnet. And he actually gets the girls, not me.
Street: Hamster girls? GB: Yeah.
Street: They’re just roaming around? GB: Oh yeah, the hamster bars, the play groups.
Street: Is there a big hamster community at Penn? GB: There’s a growing hamster community. I like to claim that I started the trend but I don’t know if that’s a legitimate claim. But it’s growing. And the current goal is for Heybuddy to relinquish his bachelor status.
Street: What’s the most important thing you’ve learned at Penn? GB: What you spend your time doing while you procrastinate is probably what you should do with your life. But this doesn’t include Facebook — it’s way too hard to make a living off of stalking these days.