Where you went: Amusement Park What you did: Stood in a line for five hours to go on one ride, then peed your pants. Recreate it: –Go on a Roller Coaster of the Mind © with the Psychology Department by volunteering for an experiment. –Ride SEPTA for hours on end. You’re bound to get puked on at least once. –Stand in line for Hemo’s at rush hour to recreate that roller coaster tradition of waiting forever for something that will only satisfy you for a moment. Fastpass it by calling ahead. –Go to the Penn Bookstore to buy overpriced merchandise.
Where you went: Beach Resort What you did: Flew to St. Whatever, contracted acute melanomas on your arms, back and bikini line and consumed copious amounts of blended drinks. Recreate it: –Head to Pottruck for the full beach resort relaxation routine, just without the beach or resort! Hit the pool (at least there are no sting rays — RIP Steve), grab a smoothie and head to the spa. –Miss being out on the open water? Join the crew team! Who needs the clear, blue waters of the Caribbean when you have the pathogen–infested Schuylkill!?!? –To keep up that healthful SPF 0 glow, go kick it on the Ware lawn with the freshmen. We think there’s a prime tanning spot right between that passed out stoner and the Riepe girl in the paisley bikini top.
Where you went: Ski Slopes What you did: Hit the mountain, got hot ‘n’ heavy on a ski lift, guzzled spiked hot chocolate and spent 80% of your trip figuring out how to get your long underwear on/off. Recreate it: –Ice skating is exactly like skiing. Just on ice instead of a mountain, and wearing a flimsy outfit instead of a parka and with a completely different set of equipment. Um, both are cold? –Warm up at Smokes with a little ale. Think of it as a ski lodge, just with less athleticism and more fake IDs! –Stand in the high rise wind tunnel and close your eyes. Should feel just like the Alps.
Where you went: NYC What you did: Strutted down 5th Avenue, sold your wares on Broadway and lived the high life #likeapimp #butliterally. Recreate it: –Allegro’s might not have authentic New York pizza, but if you’re drunk enough, it’ll sure taste like it. –The Philly theater scene may not boast a Jonas brother, but it does have a plethora of pretentious picks for, like, a quarter of the price. –Well, maybe this is too literal, but you could, you know, take a two–hour bus ride that costs $10 and you'd be there.
Where you went: Home What you did: Nothing. And it was glorious. Recreate it: –Buy a pet. Beta fish are great because they can’t judge your lifestyle. –Get to know your house dean, or some other important professor, and turn them into a surrogate parent. Play your cards right, and they’ll be tucking you into bed while giving you practical advice on your thesis in no time. –Just eat. Because let’s be honest, that’s what all of us were doing at home anyway. –Foster an inappropriate sibling–like relationship with a roommate (hint: try spitting in their food, pinning them down and tickling them mercilessly, etc.) –Netflix Instant Watch.
