The Still Drunk: You’re not in Cancun/Punta Cana/Insert Tropical Destination anymore, so it’s time to move into the hangover phase. GYST. Identifying Characteristics:
Bro Tank exposing tan lines, over–the–top sunburn, reminiscing about very recent memories, summer apparel (sunglasses and iced coffee included)
Classic Quote: “OMG remember that time I spilled a margarita on you, LOL I forgot what sobriety is like!”
How to Deal: Ignore stories. Offer outerwear and/or Advil. Their wild anecdotes will fade with their tans!
The Cat Lady: Aww, she definitely exchanged words with no one that wasn’t feline this break.
Identifying Characteristics: Talking to you in baby voice, continuous muploading of cat selfies, well–rested look
Classic Quote: “Meow.”
How to Deal: Indulge over–sharing of iPhone pics of pets and slowly walk away.
The Faker: Your spray tan isn’t fooling anyone, but A for effort!
Identifying Characteristics: Snooki–ish exterior, vague details of tropical trip, lack of uploaded photos, too much knowledge of television and current events
Classic Quote: “The Philadelphia sun just can’t compare to… where I was.”
How to Deal: Call them out… or at least ask for photographic evidence.
The Globetrotter: Sure, the Caribbean is cliché, but was it worth it to jet off to India, Israel or Iceland for under a week? Identifying Characteristics: Amazing, cultural, high–quality photographs, severe jet lag, newfound attitude of worldly appreciation
Classic Quote: “The Western way of life is suffocating, bro.”
How to Deal: Admire their pics and vow to go there someday—for more than a week.
The ASB–er: Your service trip put ours to shame… all we did was worry about our cell service.
Identifying Characteristics: New friends attached at the hip, enhanced do–gooder attitude, t–shirt announcing your charitable spirit
Classic Quote: “Can’t! I have a BYO with my ASB group this Friday.”
How to Deal: As they talk about how fun helping the world is, vow to be a better person and do something… at some point.
