6:13 p.m.: Begin the trek to Baltimore Avenue and 43rd Street with three other hungry bellies. Hallmate: “You know it’s gonna rain, right?” (Sure, but you know there’s food for a dollar, right?)

6:37 p.m.: Two guys in Clark Park start slowly walking backwards. Is this some kind of meditation?

6:38 p.m.: No, wait, everyone in Clark Park is walking backwards. This is an Improv Everywhere flash mob.

6:41 p.m.: It’s pouring. Drenched. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.

6:48 p.m.: Take cover inside with my first dollar deal: a slice of Fiesta Pizza. Cheese burns my mouth, but hey, at least it’s fresh.

6:56 p.m.: Rain has diminished. Woman attempts to stuff her wet dog into an oversize purse. Watch as she experiences difficulty.

7:09 p.m.: Philly cheesesteak, lentil wraps, shrimp skewers. Spring rolls from unofficial vendors: the Chinese owners of the Laundromat.

7:19 p.m.: Jimmie’s Cupcake truck. One Jimmy Neutron, one Jim Carrey, one Jimmy Rolo, one James Bond and four Lebron Jameses please.

7:20 p.m.: Foodgasm commences with the Lebron James from Jimmie’s Cupcake (vanilla cake, lemon glaze, raspberry icing). Exercise extreme self control to not get in line again.

7:28 p.m.: “AND I WAS LIKE GET THAT FUCKING GUN OUTTA MA FACE. AND THEN I PUT A HOLE IN HIS ASS!” The friendly men nearby remind me that I am in West Philly.

7:37 p.m.: Banana whips with chocolate chips from the Mariposa co–op grocery store, followed by mini scoops of speculoos ice cream from Little Baby’s. Brain freeze.

8:17 p.m.: Sipping mango lassis, waiting for Desi Village to bring out more fresh samosas with tamarind sauce. Penn grad student hits on my friend until he realizes she’s 18.

8:57 p.m.: Back to campus. Compare how pregnant our stuffed stomachs look. $12 well spent at the Baltimore Dollar Stroll.


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