We get that you hustled your ass off this season, but come on. Napping? This isn’t Rebecca Stein’s Econ lecture. This is the Oscars. Perk—not perc—the fuck up.
Next you end up drunk and alone at Allegro, just think ‘what would Meryl do?’ Oh right, get two.
We know that you’re "wickedly" talented, but was your “Saturday Night Fever” not enough to thaw your “Frozen” brain? Adele Dazeem? I guess we can just start calling Scientology "total bull shit."
The breathtaking goddess was undoubtedly the well–deserved winner of Best Supporting actress. She was one of the few people that didn’t consult a thesaurus for her uplifting speech that was a refreshing reminder to all of those College students that our dreams are valid too.
Easily the biggest upset of the night, the wolf was left licking his paws with no award (for the fifth time...) As Jordan Belfort himself once said, “The only thing standing between you and your dream is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why can’t achieve it.”
In Blanchett’s acceptance speech for her award for Best Actress, she did anything but tell her fellow nominees to #suckit. While Blanchett apparently got a lil’ boozy with Julia Roberts before the show, she eloquently delivered one of the few speeches that did not nauseate the audience with cheesiness (in her sexy Australian accent, no less). Undoubtedly a hotter version of Amy Gutmann, Blanchett had a powerful feminist message that definitely nominates her for the next spokesperson of “The Vagina Monologues.”
Alright alright alright. Granted a well–deserved winner of Best Actor, but the southern charm was not enough to keep us from shedding a silent tear as you stole the award from poor Leo. Neither was your cringe–worthy speech. While it had its redeeming moments, can we all really be our own heroes? Please don’t tell that to Wharton kids.
