Highbrow knows that the beginning of fall semester may just be the biggest change since puberty. For freshmen and seniors alike, we've compiled some alternative options for those who eschew dirty rush. Save that shit for second semester and get with the winning team(s).
1. MGMT 238: Organizational Behavior. Fair warning—Adam Grant’s class likely has a significantly lower acceptance rate than any fraternity. And possibly Penn itself. Make sure that your application is memorable (not necessarily, like, in a good way. You can't compete with 3.95's on that front). And be sure to remember that, according to Undergrad Inside, “Penn InTouch requests will not be processed.” Talk about unofficial.
2. The Collctve. In case you haven’t heard, vowels are so last year. Pray that you’re one of the lucky few with a coveted nvlp (that’s envelope, for the uninitiated) slid under your door. And you can tell your parents that DJ–ing is a marketable artistic skill (it seriously is).
3. Feb Club. Much like frats, there’s enough forced social interaction drive an introvert, weeping, into the tiny Smokes’ bathroom. Fair warning to the frosh, though, this option is limited to seniors. They're going to be in the "real world" soon; let's let them have this. And similarly to frats, Feb Club doesn't officially start accepting new members until the start of the next calendar year. But don't let that deter you!
4. Any bank forgoing OCR for “accelerated online recruiting”: Video interviews are the new coffee chats, and evidently, September 9th is the new October 22nd. Way to accelerate that shit. And let’s be honest, you already know at least one person who is basically dirty–rushing J.P. Morgan.
5. Drexel. Honestly, who hasn’t thought about transferring? The closer to Shake Shack, the closer to God.