How you spend the five–minute break in the middle of your three–hour seminar reveals quite a bit about you. Highbrow's got you all figured out. If you're too swamped with midterms to spare time for introspection, here's a quick guide.


If you continue working… 

All those TED Talks about the mechanization of education were spot on, and you’ve been punk’d for the past however many years of schooling you’ve endured. Do you actually like the work you’re doing? Do you find it purposeful and meaningful? If your answer is ‘yes,’ then say goodbye to the final remnants of your childhood virtue—the system has already won. If your answer is ‘no,’ there’s still time for you to escape. Trippy, ain’t it?

If you eat a snack… 

Feign innocence all you want, that Clif Bar you bought before lecture is proof enough of your complicity in the crushing institution of socioeconomic inequality known as capitalism. “Why are you making such a big deal over a snack?" “The market will regulate itself?" Oh, please. If you’re not growing your own crops with your bare hands and creating Facebook groups to unite the proletariat, then you’re just another actor in this cruel system. 

If you check your Snaps....

You and your generation of self–absorbed sloths are killing e v e r y t h i n g. That being said, props to you for reading this far given your eight–second attention span. Sorry the guise of “technological advancement” has trapped you in its space gray claws. Your age group could’ve been something great (amirite, baby boomers?), but no, you’ll forever be glued to the glint of your screens. Highbrow hopes you'll break all your streaks.

If you check your stocks… 

Aren’t you cold in those salmon chinos? What’s the use of wearing a sweater if it’s only warming up your upper back and the crisscross at your neck where it’s tied? The unspoken system of Penn pre–professionalism is molding you into yet another Jordan–Belfort–wannabe, and soon, it’ll spit you out onto the [Wall] streets where you’ll stagger around declaring your passion for investment banking. Can you even hear yourself?

If you chat with other people… 

Movements start from the ground up. Sitting next to your classmates, exchanging contact information, and discussing the newest season of Stranger Things? Highbrow sees right through your schemes. Whether you’re upping your Facebook friends count, coercing others into voting for you, or crafting a supporter base for eventual world domination, there’s always a catch. You’re trapped in your own self–crafted system of personal glory, and just so you know, the higher you climb, the farther you have to fall.

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