Penn admits more than 2,000 of the most accomplished students across the world every year. Despite their varied skills and accolades, a majority of these students share the same unifying struggle: finding true love. Much like her peers, Briana Cantero (C ’26) is an incredibly talented multi–hyphenate, juggling her obligations as president of the Cuban American Undergraduate Student Association at Penn with the consulting grind—but those accomplishments weren’t the focus of our conversation. Briana instead confided in Street about perhaps her most coveted achievement—her six–year–long relationship—and the lessons that came with it.
Name: Briana Cantero
Hometown: Miami
Field of study: Philosophy, politics and economics, minor in music
Activities: CAUSA, Penn Social Entrepreneurship Movement, Consult for America
How did you and your boyfriend first meet?
We met in high school. I was a sophomore, and he was a senior, but we only had a one–year age gap. I wanted to join the National Honor Society, and he was the vice president. He came into my AP World History class when I was a freshman, and I thought he was very goal–oriented. I really looked up to him, and I felt like that was something that a lot of the guys in my school lacked.
So, I kind of made it a point to make myself noticeable to him, and I just straight up DMed him on Instagram. I was like, “Hey, do you like, do you watch anime or something?” He was like, “Yeah, I’m watching My Hero Academia, but I don’t really like it.” And then on top of that, we talked at school. He was very shy. I really liked that. I thought it was so cute. And then he asked me out Nov. 2, 2019. Our first date was at a movie theater, and it was so cute. It just felt like innocent teenage love.
Tell me a little bit about your boyfriend. What do you admire most about him?
He noticed the little things. That’s something I really admire. Our first Christmas together, he remembered that I had mentioned finding a book at the library in second grade that made me cry when I had to give it back, though I couldn’t remember the name. I told him the book was about Mozart. I was a musician and played piano, so I had always been into Mozart. The book had such a cute, cartoony style, and the details about the melody of the birds reminded him of the song he was writing at the time. Eventually, he found the name of the book, and bought it for me.
I’ve had grand gestures before that, but they were very generic. This was very intentional—he wanted me to feel special. And that’s when I knew that he was the guy I was gonna marry. Basically, I was like, I have to keep this guy.
What would you say has been the hardest part of dating long–distance?
The hardest part was when we were both in different colleges and feeling like there’s a part of his life that I don’t know about, that I’m not present for. There are inside jokes I’m not gonna get. But honestly, he made me feel so wanted. His friends already knew so much about me and thought so highly of me when I visited him at Stanford, and that really reassured me.
How do you make time for your relationship, considering your workload?
You can always make time for things that are important to you. The average Penn student, their day is extremely packed, right? But they still find themselves at the end of the day, scrolling on Instagram reels or TikTok. So, during the 15 minutes before bed, when I could be on TikTok, I’ll just FaceTime him. Or, like, for example, right now he’s working in the immigration court in Miami, so he’s driving an hour and a half each way. But on the drive, he’ll call me, and then we talk while I’m making dinner or something like that. Those little moments really do add up. I spend so much time talking to my boyfriend despite us being long–distance.
How has growing individually impacted your relationship?
The silver lining of being long–distance is that you get to immerse yourself in your own hobbies. I’ve discovered things that I never knew I’d like just by spending some time on my own at Penn. At first, it was hard. I was extremely codependent, but making time for your own hobbies and your own friends—those two things are very important. A lot of long–term couples always say, “Oh, our friends,” or “we like this movie,” or “we don’t like this movie.” As someone who’s been in a relationship for six years, I despise terms like “we this,” “our that,” because at the end of the day, he’s his own person. What I liked about him was who he was as a person before he met me. So why should we combine ourselves into this one thing? If we like each other for our individuality, it’s counterproductive.
How do you navigate differences in career paths and life aspirations?
My boyfriend is actually applying to law school right now. But I don’t want to go to law school. We’ve been talking about how long I’m going to stay in Miami, because I do have a return offer at a job there, and I want to move back and stay with my family for a while. It takes a lot of compromise. I’m going to have to sacrifice being with my family for however many years. But I feel like it’s worth it, just because he’s so important to me. At the end of the day, it’s literally just because he’s so important to me.
That said, if you have a partner who you don’t think is worth compromising for, I don’t think you’re being selfish. If your priority is to be free and move wherever you want, that’s your prerogative. You shouldn’t feel guilty if you think you have to end a relationship or put a pause on it just because you want to put your desires first. I just happen to want to be where he’s at. It’s all about agency and always remembering that you have control—that in your life, there’s nothing tying you down.
What’s a controversial opinion of yours on dating?
I feel like when women make the first move, everything flows a lot better. In fact, I tell my friends to make the first move on a guy. It makes them feel safer—there’s no chance of that buffer of like, “Oh, does she like me? Do I approach her? Am I gonna be made fun of?” So, just approach the guy that you really like, but it has to be a guy that you really like. You approach him, and then you let him do the rest of the work.
According to the Street dating survey, two–thirds of Penn students have been in a situationship, but a majority have never been in a long–term relationship. What are your thoughts on dating culture at Penn?
I hear a lot of complaints from my friends in terms of situationships, oftentimes it’s just people not being clear with each other and not setting boundaries and intentions from the beginning. Or one person will be very clear about what they want, and the other person assumes there’s a cryptic meaning behind their message.
I feel like ego also gets in the way of a lot of these things. Like, “Oh, because they didn’t text me back for like, three days, I’m not gonna text them back for like, three weeks.” If you think they’re playing games with you, you might as well just ask them straight up, just to stop yourself from wasting so much time. You’re already so busy climbing your way to success at Penn in so many different ways. Why are you gonna let something so small hold you back? If people could just ask the questions, cut and dry, that’d be ideal.
From that same survey, most Penn students date to marry, or for a long–term relationship, however, the majority of students struggle to do so. Do you have any advice for Penn students trying to find the one?
I think everyone should have a pretty extensive list of things that they prioritize in someone and things that they won’t put up with. Oftentimes, I see girls talking to someone, and they notice a lot of red flags, but they’re already in so deep that it’s like, “Well, now I really like him, I’m catching feelings, and it’s really hard to get out.” So, if you’re already two weeks in, have agreed to be exclusive, and see him talking to another girl, instead of giving him another chance, just cut him off. Remember your list of priorities. Remember what you said when your head was clear, when you weren’t down bad. Remember what love–sober you would have said. You know yourself well enough not to accept things that you already know you don’t want.
Obviously, there are caveats to this. Like, if your list is like, “he needs to be 6’5,” that’s not what I mean. Think about what really matters 30 years down the road, who you would see yourself with, helping you through the death of your parents or something as drastic as that. You don’t want to have to baby someone when your mom is in the hospital, you know, because those things are going to happen in life.
And any advice for the lucky few Penn students in committed relationships?
I feel like a big thing is to never let a day end without saying “I love you” to each other, or comforting each other, even when you’re angry at each other. Don’t use any adjectives to insult each other. Don’t say things like “Oh, you’re being rude, you’re being annoying, you’re being manipulative.” Separate the situation from the person, because many of the things they do are behaviors they learned growing up—things you can identify without applying an overarching term during an argument. Also, never bring up stuff from the past that has already been resolved, just to get “points” in an argument. That’s a big thing that happens a lot, even in friendships, where you’ll bring up something that happened a long time ago just to win an argument.
Lightning Round:
What’s the secret to a healthy relationship? Being unconditional with each other. Don’t breach the social contract of respect you share.
Worst romance cliché? The belief that “Oh, he cheated on his last girl, but he won’t cheat on me.” Cheaters are cheaters.
What’s the soundtrack of your relationship? The La La Land soundtrack—we really like La La Land, the ending made both of us cry.
Best date spot in Philly? Giuseppe & Sons, and then a walk around the block and through Rittenhouse Square.
Best date activity, virtually? DoorDashing each other food and watching old movies.
Favorite movie? We’ve watched Crazy Rich Asians like 20 times. The wedding scene is so beautiful.
Fuck, marry, kill: philosophy, politics, and economics: Marry politics, definitely. Fuck economics, honestly. Kill philosophy.
There are two types of people at Penn … Butterflies and moths
And you are? A moth. I would say moths can be a little more introverted. But they’re still very beautiful and decorative, you know? They like hanging out at night.
