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Ilena Parker


Just keep sucking

I was eating an entire box of Popsicles in one sitting when I realized: I am obsessed with Popsicles.

Word on the street: This is about you, Todd Grabarsky

When you miss a 34th Street editor's meeting, one of your co-editors will think it's funny to tell everyone you're writing a column about life, so then you have to write a column about life. This column, everyone, is about life. I've only attempted something so ambitious once before.

Livestrong, smoke reds

The thing about smoking bans, like the one Mayor John Street will push in this coming legislative session, is that they go over so well with the masses because it's hard for opponents to define their opposing principles without it being all about me. I smoke because it looks cool.

I'm sick

My life as I know it started with My Girl. That movie was a wake-up call. When I saw Macaulay Culkin get stung by those bees and die, I realized that I, too, might have a fatal allergy to bee stings, and might not even know it until I got stung by a bee and died.
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