1. “I’m never gonna get an internship.” Just because a handful of acquaintances have landed that dream summer job, it doesn’t mean you’re alone on the overly–strenuous pursuit towards employment. There’s always Starbucks!
Proverb: Good things come to those who wait. (But like, get on it.)
2. “I have so much work.” Your GPA is absolutely a numerical reflection on your worth as a human being, so slacking off is an insult to your potential in life. JK, just stick it out the best you can. Are you in M&T/Vagelos/insert difficult program here? Stop bitchin’, yo.
Proverb: Keep calm and carry on. (Thanks, poster on everyone’s wall!)
3. “I just can’t wait to be a brother.”Oh, young grasshopper, your time will soon come. Maybe. Before Fling. Hopefully. Enjoy!
Proverb: A watched pot never boils.
4. “I’m expanding like a balloon and it’s almost beach season.”If your stress eating has truly taken a toll, get out that angst at Pottruck! But foreal, love yourself cuz u r be@utiFuL in$id3 & 0uT.
Proverb: You are beautiful, no matter what they say.
5. “I literally just failed that midterm… again.”Okay, but you definitely passed, easily. Hyperbole won’t help you, unless it was a vocab word for an English midterm. Don’t be the boy who cried wolf––you might actually fail a final.
Proverb: If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.
6. “I’m forever alone.”It’s not even really spring yet, so you shouldn’t be rushing to find that special summer love to share a picnic with in Penn Park. (Because that’s a thing). Keep an open mind and get ready to mingle!
Proverb: If he liked it, then he should’ve put a ring on it.
7. “I have lost all fucks to give.”That expression is growing old. Hone in on your passions and rejuvenate yourself for the last five–ish weeks!
Proverb: Follow your dreams.
8. “I’m tired.” Samesies. Nap time?
Proverb: Me too.
