Sore throat: Make sure you take vitamin c and gargle with salt water.
Headache: Bring Fava beans to the witch doctor. She will know what to do and sacrifice the beans to the incarnated god of health, Dr. Phil.
PMS: An old boot. See what you can create.
Upset stomach: Brew a tea from the hair of your ex–lover. Only then will you cleanse yourself of their malice which haunts your stomach.
The flu: Go to a real doctor. Fevers are not a joke.
Ear infection: Exorcism. Find a priest. Find one now.
Heartburn: 80s punk music or like Tums, I guess.
Broken arm: Medical meth (it’s time).
