4th Wave Feminist: I had a dream that a man hit on me. Then I castrated him.
Penn Club Swimmer: The way Locust is looking today, I might just copy the kid in the Under the Button video and swim through it.
Gift–giving Guru: If you’re poor, being sentimental is the way to go.
Aspiring Catholic: Do you have to audition to be the Pope?
Tactical Alcoholic: I was drinking buddies with this one professor. He gave me a really good letter of recommendation.
PETA Activist: One time I hooked up to Zootopia... what can I say? Bestiality really does it for me.
Knocking it Before She Tries It (Not Anal Girl): The anus is a one way street!
Just Ate Romaine: I mean, now I’m dying, but I don’t regret it because it was so good.
Hot and Bothered Finance Major: My clitoris LOVES private equity.
Honest Professor: Here’s a secret. The last topic an instructor teaches is usually the one he is least comfortable with and not at all interested in.