Studying abroad can be a wonderful experience. Though it is easy to daydream of horticultural studies in Amsterdam and meeting enthusiastic whores in Thailand, this decision should not be made lightly. There is an extensive process, and we at the Office of International Programs are here to guide you in your journey. The following is a brief overview of what to expect, though like everything else at our office, don't be fooled by its apparent simplicity. Trying to penetrate our bureaucracy is more difficult than trying to penetrate Calcutta with your Bangkok.
Choosing a Destination:
Although you may have dreamed of fall in London your entire life and may have applied to Penn with this in mind, there is far more to choosing a destination than your actual choice. Further investigation is imperative to learn about your limits. First, come to our office and review our literature. Second, set up appointments to see our advisors when they can see you in two months. And third, meet with your academic advisors to see what you will do about the credits that won't transfer from your time away. Note: if you want to go to Spain, be prepared to go to Belgium. If you want to go to England, think about the wonders of South Jersey. If you want to Germany, consider Afghanistan because there are fewer applicants this year. Moral: always have alternatives to any program that interests you.
Application Procedure:
Though it is required that you have at least a B average, you should know that without a 3.96 GPA, your chances for admission are as slim as a malnourished Sri Lankan. Do not be misled; the numerous rounds of roundabout meetings and the air of discouragement are really intended to show the exclusivity of our office. Other universities may make it easy for their students to go abroad, but that's because they are inferior, just like you. Maybe if your daddy buys us a new air conditioner we will consider you. Our office gets really hot and the water cooler sucks, too.
Your experience:
If you are accepted into a program, there are many things that you should keep in mind before you embark on your journey. Don't think we're ripping you off because we make you pay full Penn tuition even if your school abroad only costs the amount of airfare and four goats. You will receive a plush, grey sweatshirt with an Ivy League insignia that you can wear with pride in front of your foreign schoolmates and their pithy tuition rates. Also, it is mandatory that you attend seminars before leaving the country to prepare you for your culture shock. For example, one should never admit that Gina Lee Nolan was the best lifeguard on Baywatch while in Belgium. Also, stock up on morning-after pills before leaving for China and consider investing in several pairs of tight jeans to make your goosing experience more comfortable while in Italy. These seminars should provide you with all the information you need for your term abroad. If you get crabs after a night at an all-male revue in Poland don't come crying to us to come home. There are many others who would love to be in your position.
Other Options:
If you do not get into the abroad program of your choice, you should not feel bad about your failure, as there are many other opportunities for special people like you. For example, our abroad office has pamphlets for fine employment opportunities at prestigious corporations such as Taco Bell, where you can enhance your eight years of Spanish studying with new and exciting vocabulary such as "chimichanga," "chingat‚, give me more queso," and "caca." Your academic accomplishments will serve you well in such an atmosphere and you will have fulfilled your search for cultural enrichment.
