playboy
Condom Kingdom. A recent survey by condom manufacturer Durex finds that Americans lead the world in making the love. Partly skewing the data was the fact that the survey pool was comprised entirely of the cast and crew of Full House.
Dirty Hippies. Brown TAs were recognized as employees of the university with the right to unionize. Similarly, a new proposal is being kicked around Penn allowing the same privileges, given that TAs agree to learn English and deal with their inferiority complexes.
Good Tidings. Whoopi Goldberg stars as Santa's replacement in this sunday's TNT flick Call Me Claus. Producers quickly dismissed the film's original title Mommy, Why Did the Fat Black Lady Eat Santa Claus?
beastiality.com
Attack on America. AirTran Airways is suing a Georgia man for causing the main Atlanta airport to shut down by running past security guards to grab his camera. Upon further inspection, it was discovered that the role of film contained explicit pictures of him performing auto-fellatio at the Statue of Liberty, Mount Rushmore and the Grand Canyon.
Clones. A Canadian UFO cult has refuted the claim by Advanced Cell Technology, Inc., stating that it was the first organization to clone a human embryo. An anonymous source reports that the group's last gathering at the high lord's mom's house hatched two humans and a giraffe during a very special episode of the Golden Girls.
Cheating. Institutions of higher learning have become increasingly wary of students plagiarizing essays from the Internet. Classics professors stumbled across this practice while searching at www.naughty-schoolgirls.com.
Class of 2006. Early Decision applicants are more anxious than ever as they await replies from their top choices. This year the thick letters may signal acceptance, but with Penn's increasingly strict standards, they more than likely deliver a healthy dose of anthrax along with a fat rejection.
