1. You're awakened by the bell while sleeping in the buff. You...
a) put on your oversized Penn sweatshirt and slump to the door.
b) answer as you are -- the Izzy and Zoe's delivery guy/girl won't mind.
c) crawl out from between ___'s thighs and get the door.
2. You're feeling blue. You...
a) eat yesterday's pizza and drink an OE 40oz. That's better...
b) go to Saturn for a blow-out, a manicure, and an aromatherapy mood-enhancing massage.
c) go to Wizzards. Leching men always give you an ego boost.
3. You're in lecture when you discover a run in your pantyhose. You...
a) are not sure if the tear is new or not.
b) reapply your mascara
c) take them off and recross your legs.
4. You have five-hundred dollars to your name. You...
a) buy a new six-footer and an ounce.
b) immediately board the metroliner to New York City for a night out on the (real) town.
c) invest in some new nipple tassles, your last ones are looking shoddy.
5. That ubiquitous Photography 001 student asks you to pose nude. You...
a) would rather be eating.
b) ask them when and where; you never pass up a photo op.
c) say yes, in exchange for a tub of vaseline.
Results:
mostly a's: Obviously no one knows you so it doesn't matter how you look or feel. Next time you call your mother, and she tells you she "doesn't want any," don't cry, there's still hope. Go to the gym, brush your skank-ass teeth and cross your fingers.
mostly b's: You're a paragon of InStyle virtue. Daddy would be so proud. Not as proud as your sorority sisters -- all of whom also got mostly b's. Celebrate by sharing some Godivas and then purging together.
mostly c's: You know how Jersey girls and foreigners get ahead in this world. Good for you!
