I stand before you in protest. In protest of myself. I am intelligent, I scored higher on the SATs than the vast majority of you, I enjoy anchovies but don't eat beef, I drive quite poorly, I attend an Ivy League university, primarily because my parents made me, and it seems that white girls do not want to date me.
I am Asian, and I am responsible for the end of civilization. Shudder in my wake.
Last week, I was taking a history exam. As my usual pre-test anxieties left my palms clammy and stomach fluttering, my nervousness gave way to a certain sense of comfort. I had studied for hours the prior night; so why worry?
I put pen to paper and flew through the first essay. As I turned the page, however, another thought struck me, one of a grander and more altruistic purpose: am I perpetuating racism? Of course, I could ace the test -- but in the process, wouldn't I be reinforcing stereotypes?
Everyone sees my dark skin and immediately assumes that I will succeed, that I am smart and studious. So wouldn't my success simply realize that prejudice?
What would Gandhi do?
I looked at the hungover frat boy with North Face jacket and blue Penn sweats in tow on my left and silently laughed as he squirmed in his seat. It appeared as though he was almost hoping to jiggle the correct answers out of hiding in the dark recesses of his THC-pregnant mind. He didn't study. He was gonna fail. Too damn bad.
Thence came the epiphany. It flowed like rain. I nudged his elbow, our eyes met. Kismet.
I finished the test giving what I undoubtedly knew were correct answers. Then I erased my name and traded blue books with my new frat friend.
I am the revolutionary of the post-civil rights era. The violent hatred of decades ago has given way to more relative states of acceptance and diversity in a freer world, but now, once and for all, I declare an end to the more insidious face of bigotry -- myself.
Today is a new day. From now on, when people see me, no more can they assume that I embody the studiousness of my myopic ancestry. Straight-A student no longer, I stand emancipated from the shackles of stereotype. I may have received a 'D' on the test, but certainly I got an 'A' in Asian.
