JESUS: This Taiwanese/South American, Huntsman/artist superstar shows us that if religious superiority like this is wrong then, hey, I don't want to be right. And he heals the blind!!!
VIRGIN MARY: This marathoner is the poster girl for community service and abstinence at Penn. She might have made the cover of New York magazine if only she had snogged... well, anyone.
JESUS OF NAZARETH: Child actor turned Zulu-speaking Peace Corps-bound Whartonite. RA. TA. WPTP. MANNA. Dischord. Best Buddies.
MOTHER THERESA: This Calcutta native rocks the Hindi mic hard as President of Penn Masala.
GOD: He called Judith Rodin a Nazi. Enough said.
Mary Magdalene: She'd do anything to get on Cultural Elite, and she did.
SATAN: Harmonica-playing Satan worshipper who lives each day with the intensity of 10,000 straight edge pirates. Who said nobody's punk anymore? Narcissist.
KIRSTEN GRUBBS: You really haven't experienced Philadelphia unless you've taken a ride on this trolley. Amen sister.
SOCRATES: Trying to condense one's entire being in 29 words is pretty hard. Especially when you're now writing about yourself. It's kinda like composing your own obituary: Socrates is dead.
JESUS CHRIST: JC's the dancing paradox-party monster who's everybody's best friend. Believe you me. Hallelujah!
RASPUTIN: A little known fact about Nebraska is that its state flower is the goldenrod. A greater known fact is that its State Slut is Rasputin. However, there's nothing golden about his rod.
POPE "The Popester" JOHN PAUL II: This southern gentleman is a JAP magnet.
JEWISH GRANDFATHER: A Jewish grandmother's dream.
