The Faceless Figure
Philadelphia Museum of Art
26th Street & Benjamin Franklin Parkway Through June; Wed, Thu & Sun, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Fri & Sat, 10a.m.-8:30 p.m.; $10, $7 students
(215) 763-8100
www.philamuseum.org
Traditionally, the face is the most vital aspect of any successful portrait. What happens when you take this part of the body out of the equation? The Faceless Figure, a new photography exhibit, explores this question. Ignoring facial expressions, the featured artists examine the ways in which we silently communicate with our bodies.
To Instruct and Delight: Prints and illustrated books in Eighteenth Century France
Philadelphia Museum of Art
26th Street & Benjamin Franklin Parkway
Through May; Wed, Thu & Sun, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Fri & Sat, 10a.m.-8:30 p.m.; $10, $7 students
(215) 763-8100
www.philamuseum.org
During the 1700s, France was the artistic capital of Europe. One of the most important art forms at that time was printmaking, a remarkably flexible medium that allows artists a wide range of expression. Revolutionaries used prints to disseminate notions of democracy and upheaval. Others used prints in depicting such diverse subjects as the human anatomy and far-off places. The PMA has collected over 100 pieces from this golden age of printmaking, all of which are vivid, detailed and spectacular.
Adam Cvijanovic
Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts
118 N. Broad StreetThrough April; Tue-Sat, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sun, 11 a.m.-5 p.m.; $5, $4 students
(215) 972-7600
www.pafa.org
In my life, I have had the good fortune of knowing several chronic masturbators. For one of my friends, masturbation is a disability, a habit which often keeps him from even leaving the house. As he admits, "It's getting to be a problem." Another one of my friends likes to cum on his wallpaper ... I'm sorry, I should have warned you that was coming (no pun intended). Cvijanovic's art resembles my friend's -- the wallpaper part, not the ejaculation.
Reggae Night
Khyber
56 S. 2nd Street
Fri, 9 p.m., Free
(215) 238-5888
www.thekhyber.com
This is the bossest hipster dance-a-thon currently going on in this oh-so-hip city. Record nerd Deejays Big Eight (Penn's own Michael Saretsky) and Dr. Rick bring you the finest rmusic from '60s and '70s Jamaica, spinning enough reggae, rocksteady and island soul to make your feet move and your pelvises thrust all lusty-like. What more could you ask for? How about hot biddies, cheap beers ($1 PBRs until 11:00) and the chance to see Mr. Saretsky fucked up, in action (like that's anything new)?
Fat Friday
Egypt
520 North Delaware Avenue
Fri, 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $10
(215) 922-6500
dressy casual (see Web site for details)
www.egypt-nightclub.com
Missed out on Mardi Gras? Well, repent! Egypt will transport you to New Orleans and quickly absolve you from the sin of studying last Tuesday night. And by transport, I mean teleport. The cover fee pays for the wormhole, those tunnels astrophysicists dreamed up that get you from point B to point A in space and time. If you don't believe me, just ask any DRL groupie. How else did you think physics majors get to class on time?
Fall Back Fridays
Palmer Social Club
601 Spring Garden Street
Fridays, 9 p.m. $10-15
(215) 925-5000
You just got those new 24-inch spinners on your candy-red Caddy, and you're tired of keeping it parked atop Fresh Grocer, only taking it out once a week for the Friday night South Street car show. Now you can floss properly with the ghetto glitterati at Palmers. With three floors of hip-hop, and the Baltimore Club right next to the PJs, you can do the damn thing with the gulliest of them.
Uptown Swing Dance
Houston Hall
3417 Spruce Street
Sun, 7:30 p.m., Free
(215) 898-4636
If you are up for jumping, jiving or wailing, I know some good people you can call for help. Additionally, as they advertise by saying it's a fish fry of some sort, I went expecting a plate of fish. Were there any fish to be had at their soir‚e? No ... thanks a lot, Communism. But once you get past all of the false expectations created by blatantly misleading advertising, one can learn to dance and be laughed at slightly less than might be expected.
2004 Clinical Trials Congress
Loews Philadelphia Hotel
1200 Market Street
Thu & Fri, $1,695-$2,295
(215) 627-1200
www.iirusa.com/clinical
Here's a little lesson on clinical trials. They form the scientific foundation for the wildly successful pharmaceutical sector, where profits on individual drugs range as high as 98% in the United States. They are also required for drug approval by the FDA, that clunky agency that was set up to ensure safety and efficacy standards. The principal investigator in charge of clinical trials is often an M.D., but is also known as NOT YOUR DOCTOR. So next time you plan on participating in a study, remember that the man in the white coat isn't aiming to heal you. Now roll up that sleeve, ratty.
Mummers Show of Shows
The Liacouras Center
1776 North Broad Street
Sat, 12 p.m. & 5 p.m. $15-25
(215) 204-2400
www.liacourascenter.com
Before face paint and masks became mere accessories for drunken street coupling they were revered elements of the Celtic beliefs from which mummery sprang. Mummers were solemn practitioners of the old religion devoted to enacting the seasonal cycles of life and death. Nowadays this usually means playing the fool for Florentine and New Orleans festivals. For wenches like Morgaine in 400 A.D., it meant serving the goddess while ducking covetous glances from her precocious Once-and-Future-King sibling. Arthur's overly loving hands didn't halt her high priestess ambitions, though the prick eventually got what he wanted in that foul-up of a fertility rite.
me alter's egoes: A Conversation on Joyce With Anastasi
Slought
4017 Walnut Street
Sat, 2 p.m., Free
(215) 222-9050
www.slought.org
Call me crazy, but I think most of us have alter egos of some sort. Consider the different social contexts in which we find ourselves. People who flow seamlessly into these different social identities are hired by the CIA, go to Hollywood or join the Justice League. Those who fail to appreciate social nuances and try to "be themselves" are deemed "insane" and sometimes end up in padded lockups. So who are the real heroes in this world full of phonies? I'd go on, but my embossed cell phone is ringing. To the T-Mobile, Cancer Man!
End of Season Skate
Penn's Landing
121 North Columbus Boulevard
Sun, 6 p.m., $6
(215) 629-3200
Back in my hometown, we had a treasure of a national monument in Scott's Skate World. It was a place where riding around in a giant skate after 10 beers and 4 snow cones was a pretty reasonable request. Penn's Landing is having this event a tad late in the year, so be light on your feet and skate quickly. Leave crashing through the ice for your slower friends who never really made it to college because they were too busy talking to Dr. Whiskers, the magical flying cat.
In the Heart of America
The Adrienne Theater
2030 Sansom Street
Through March 14, Various times, $14-$25
(215) 568-8077
www.interacttheatre.org
Interact Theatre Company, a Philadelphia outfit committed to producing socially relevant, contemporary theater, presents a show about two American soldiers in Kuwait who fall in love and their resulting inner turmoil. I wonder if Interact will produce my show ... the story of an old man known only as Cantaloupe Pants, who sits playing the spoons at the bus station, yelling at frightened tourists, pausing only to occasionally shit his pants. Jeez, why am I telling you this? I'm sitting on a goldmine.
Sendak Exhibition
Please Touch Museum
210 N. 21st and Race Streets
Through March,9:30 a.m - 4:30 p.m., $8.95
(215) 963-0666
www.pleasetouchmuseum.org
Miss the good old days when you were a wild thing? Crayoning the walls of Harnwell's Rooftop Lounge just not cutting it? If you're going to release your inner child, do it properly. Imagine terrorizing toddlers as you attempt to climb on indoor playground equipment. And if you're under one year of age, you get in for free. Do they make fake IDs for that?
Story Garden
Please Touch Museum
210 N. 21st Street
Through March, 9:30 a.m., $8.95
(215) 963-0666
www.pleasetouchmuseum.org
This children's exhibit will bring you back to childhood quicker than you can say "Hey fuckface, there's something wrong with your collar." That's right, tenderlips, this wonderful exhibit at the Please Touch Museum is just what you need to let the bitterness out and let the sunshine in. Shine on, you crazy diamond.
Trivia Teasers
Sisters Nightclub
1320 Chancellor Street
Tue., 10 p.m.
215-735 0735
Philly's mecca of the Sapphic scene, Sisters invites you to a night of ridiculous trivia that runs the gamut from local tidbits to pop culture treasures. Perhaps being inspired by the huge deco prints of lesbian icons K.D. Lang and Melissa Etheridge Trivia Teasers will give you the courage to approach the cutie at the bar. If not, then at least you've spent a worthwhile four hours obsessing over useless trivia.
North Mississippi Allstars
Theater of Living Arts
334 South Street
Thu, 9 p.m., $15-$17.50
(215) 922-1011
www.cc.com
It's time I came clean: I am a music whore. There aren't many people who can sing a cappella, listen to J-pop and J-rock tracks side by side with Modest Mouse and Wilco, all while tolerating MTV bilge on the telly without sticking cats down their throats. Countless nights have been spent rocking slowly back and forth on my bed as Chris Martin's vocals whinge around me, making me wonder whether I'm any better than the indiscriminate music consumer. But if there's anything my eclectic musical background has given me, it's a basis for comparison. And North Mississippi Allstars has been done better. Justified!Fall Out Boy
Trocadero Ballroom
1003 Arch Street
Fri, 7 p.m., $16
(215) 922-6888
www.thetroc.com
While the principle of being fueled by ramen may be in some twisted way cool, my bunghole needed more T.P. than a crazed teenager with his shirt pulled over his head. Ok, that reference was a stretch, but I still think that you should go see Fall Out Boy despite their mixed reviews. (I have no idea, I'm sure you can find people going either way if you look hard enough.) In any event, I implore you not to forget your glasses, as they actually do something.
Ziggy Marley
Electric Factory
421 N. 7th Street
Fri, 8:30 p.m., $21.50-26
(215) 627-1332
www.ziggymarley.com
You probably know who Ziggy Marley is: the great reggae musician and son of the far greater reggae musician, Bob Marley. If you don't know who these men are, you probably grew up in a cave, or maybe just in some sort of wacko religious compound. That said, I don't have to say more about this man. He's good. We've already established that. What I want to talk about is the comic strip "Ziggy," which, next to "Apartment 3G," is possibly the wittiest thing ever in the funny papers. Alas, the word limit.
Grass Backwards
Fergie's Pub
1214 Sansom Street
Fri, 10 p.m., Free
(215) 928-8118
www.fergies.com
Listen to Philly's finest bluegrass music at one of the city's few authentic Irish pubs. The bar is gritty and dark, but the people are warm, quick to make you feel at home. This place is the real deal for Irish feel. In fact, kilt-wearing leprechauns greet you at the door with a mug of ale as they do a choreographed Irish jig.
Paco De Lucia Septet
The Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts
260 South Broad Street
Sun, 7:30 p.m.; $28-$53, student rush $10, half hour before show
215-790-5800
www.pacodelucia.org
Paco De Lucia, described as flamenco guitar's "legendary ambassador," is coming to Philly. And I, for one, say it's about fucking time. Do you know how long I've been waiting ... to kick his ass? See, we had a bit of an altercation some years ago in a small bar in Andalusia, having to do with a woman, or bet, or a spilt beer, or bet on a woman spilling beer or something. Nevertheless, he's going down in the third. YEEEEEEAAARGGGGH!!!! MICHIGAN!!!!
Black Lily
The Five Spot
5 S. Bank Street
Tue, 9 p.m., $5-$10
(215) 574-0070
www.thefivespot.com
Now usually I write listings that are pretty much tongue-in-cheek, and sometimes outright perverse. But for this one, I'm just going to write about how badass this weekly event actually is. A weekly showcase of hiphop, neo-soul (although I hate that term, as soul is soul, be it old or new) and spoken word at a grassroots level, Black Lily provides a haven for all types of creative people here in Philly. So basically, you all should go ... except for you trendy fucks who seem to make every cool event suck as soon as you discover it.
The Mountain Goats
First Unitarian Church
2125 Chestnut Street
Tue, 7:30 p.m., $10
(215) 563-3980
www.r5productions.com
John Darnielle is Bob Dylan's evil twin. Strumming chords too complex for flower children to comprehend, Darnielle refrains: "I hope you die. I hope we both die." For all its good cheer, though, the lyrical and musical accomplishment of the Mountain Goats is rather uplifting. Playing at the indie-friendly First Unitarian Church, Darnielle's hopeless songs prove that times are changing for the better.
Clay Aiken and Kelly Clarkson
The Liacouras Center
1776 North Broad Street
Tue, 7 p.m. $35-$45
(215) 204-2400
www.liacourascenter.com
There's nothing wrong with consuming airy pop confections and adult contemporary music, even if the mental nutritive value is about equivalent to that of Nutrasweet. After all, the masses have shown an insatiable appetite for wholesome Aspartame goodness that slides down smooth as the proverbial cheek. And boy, do I know cheek. That Kelly's got spunk like you wouldn't believe under the gloss, playing up her Miss Independent act. But I digress. Give us some sugar. P.S. Side effects of Nutrasweet include abdominal pains, nausea or vomiting and death. Yours truly, Clay.
