Amy Sillman
Institute of Contemporary Art
118 S. 36th St.
Weekdays, 12 p.m.-8 p.m., $2
(215) 898-7108
www.icaphila.org
This exhibition features an absolutely gorgeous collection of abstract, post-Surrealist paintings. The rich pastels of Sillman's work attempt to channel feelings of intimacy and the films of Douglas Sirk. Honestly, I have no idea who that is either, but these paintings are truly colossal in person and are definitely worth your time. Curse you, you whoopknackers!
Faculty Show
Levy Gallery at Moore College of Art and Design
20th St. and Benjamin Franklin Parkway
Tue-Fri, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sat-Sun, 12 p.m.-4 p.m., free
(215) 568-4515
After constantly slashing points off of hard-working students' projects, the tables are finally turned. At the Levy Gallery, students can go to see their professors' hottest stuff and criticize them all they want. Though I'm sure there will not be much room for snide remarks, the show will feature cutting-edge contemporary artwork. Keep Off the Grass is the best movie ever!!
Steve Ravert: SolE Series
Vox Populi
1315 Cherry St., 4th floor
Wed-Sun, 12 p.m.-6 p.m., free
(215) 568-5513
www.voxpopuligallery.org
I'm sure this exhibition is excellent, but it probably doesn't compare to the 1967 classic film, Don't Raise the Bridge, Lower the River. Centered around an American man secretly turning his English wife's manor house into a discotheque, the poor feller simultaneously has to deal with selling plans for an electronic oil drill to the Arabs. This film rivals greats like Three Men and a Baby and Kazaam. My kind of movie!
Toshiko Takaezu
Philadelphia Museum of Art
26th St. and Benjamin Franklin Parkway
Tue-Sun, 10 a.m.-5p.m., Fridays 10 a.m.-8:45 p.m., $7
(215) 763-8100
www.philamuseum.org
Saying "Domo arigato!" to Ms. Takaezu would be a fun way to start a sing-along. A simple "aloha" might serve you better, however. Or you could spit out one of her world-renowned pottery maxims such as, "Without pottery, you can't eat cereal." Indeed. But if you really wanted to be inscribed in this Hawaiian-born pottery artist's good book, you should say, "One ticket, please, to Toshiko Takaezu's "Poetry of Clay' exhibit." It's better than Celiac's Disease.
Comic Energy Presents Frat Comedy
Shubin Theatre
407 Bainbridge St.
Fri, 9 p.m. and 11 p.m., $10
(215) 592-0119
www.comicenergy.com
If your idea of a good time involves vomit and a box of Clorox Bleach, this is definitely one show you don't want to miss. To get in, though, you're going to have to bring three freshman girls with you ... and they better not have a clue. It'll be just like that one time...at that one frat...remember? This show is sure to be rufilicious. Keeps those collars high, boys!
Death and the Maiden
Walnut Street Theatre - Independence Studio on 3
825 Walnut St
Sat, 8 p.m., $17
215-574-3550
Ben Kingsley is a "Sexy Beast." Or at least he played one in Gandhi. Now he comes one step closer to fulfilling his lifelong dream of not acting, but rather becoming a skinny, spectacle-y, and bald man in a sundry of slippery roles that will make your face melt. Although he won't be performing in this particular exhibition, he did at one time, and that makes this play great ... spectacle-y speaking.
Contra Dancing
Memorial Hall
43rd and N. Concourse Dr.
Thu, 8 p.m.-9 p.m., $6-$7
(215) 685-0051
Certain people, like this guy I used to date, love being told what to do. That usually means that they had an unhealthy childhood with an overbearing mother named Bunny. If you are one of those people, then contra dancing is for you. It's sort of like barn dancing, where there's a caller who tells you which dance moves to do with your partner. Now if only there had been such a caller in the bedroom, Bunny's kid and I might have turned out alright.
Karaoke
Woody's
202 S. 13th St.
Mon, 9 p.m., free
(215) 545-1893
www.woodysbar.com
Some of the highlights of my lame summer included karaoke nights at my best friend's house. How can I forget those nights spent belting out "Killing Me Softly" and our feeble attempts to harmonize? Thanks to our low voices, we sounded like two drunken drag queens. Now I can get a taste of home during Woody's karaoke nights. Imagine, a room full of gay men serenading the night away. I always teased my best friend by saying that she was a white, homosexual man. Aw, this is making me miss her.
Pure Shade
Pure
1221 St. James St.
Thu, 11 p.m., free
(215) 735-5772
www.purephilly.com
Every Tuesday, I drop everything to watch the Real World: Philadelphia. The uncanny similarities between MJ and the statue of David, the slutty moves of Sarah and the absence from the show of the other white chick all draw me to the Real World like glue. I have been getting so obsessed with the Real World that I start thinking about the residents as if they're my own friends. For example, when I learned about this gay club, Pure, that features European drinks and progressive house music, I couldn't help but think, "Hmm maybe I should call up Willie to tell him about this?"
Cold Retarded with AJ Ready Right
700 Club
700 N. 2nd St.
Fridays, 10 p.m., free
(215) 413-3181
How many times have the Politically Correct Police told you not to use "retarded" in a negative context? Instead of saying, "My accounting class is retarded," use "My accounting class is mentally challenged." Anyway, Cold Mentally Challenged is a cool event at the always posh 700 Club, featuring dance and rock music. And please people, don't make fun of anyone if they happened to look like a person with an IQ of two on the dance floor.
Family Affair Fridays
Tragos
38 S. 19th St
Fridays, 10 p.m., $10
(215) 636-9901
My father used to tell me that family should always be first. "Blood is thicker than water," he'd say. He would insist that we all sit around the table for dinner and talk about our day. I must say that now that I'm in college, I sort of miss my dad's insistence on "family time." I think I'll miss it especially when going to Family Affair Fridays -- grinding with a tanned hunk on the dance floor to all the latest hip hop and rap songs. Now let's just think about how many different ways that previous sentence was disturbing.
College Night Saturdays
Chrome
939 N. Delaware Ave.
Saturdays, 9 p.m., $10-15
(215) 931-0101
This weekend, in a no-holds-barred match downtown, Penn defends its reputation against all other Philly colleges. This is the dance club equivalent of a bare knuckle boxing match. Watch as drunken co-eds bust a move in proud celebration of their utter college-ness. Boys, don your best polo shirt and pop that collar. All the ladies in the house, shake what your momma gave you in brand new Urban threads. On Saturday night, head on down to Chrome to display that signature Penn pride. Cause if it ain't college, then it ain't cool.
The Tragically Hip
Trocadero
10th and Arch Streets
Sun, 8 p.m., $25
18+
215-922-LIVE
www.thetroc.com
The tragic thing about these musicians is not their hipness; it's their age. The Tragically Hip have been together since 1983, which makes them, speaking in rock "n' roll-years, nearly as old as Mick Jagger. [Note: Rock "n' roll years = (Life of band + Average age of member at time of inception)-(Collective number of piercings, genital or otherwise ™ Number of wives)]. What makes them hip is their stubborn resolve. 20 years post inception, the Tragically Hip haven't changed that much. They still believe in rock "n' roll.
Supergrass
Theatre of Living Arts
334 South Street
Tue, 8 p.m., $18.50
(215) 922-1011
www.electricfactory.com
Grass is super. It's often said, but it's true. Thus, the prefix "super-" in "supergrass" modifies the noun "grass," which is a priori implicitly super. So then how does one determine the essence of the term "supergrass?" Is it Supersupergrass? Extrasupergrass? Or perhaps the phrase is mere superfluity, intended only to express the otherwise obvious notion of grass that is superior. Such ambiguities were evidently overlooked by the (apparently ill-educated) members of Supergrass.
Flogging Molly
The Electric Factory
421 N. 7th St.
Tue, 8 p.m., $18.00
(215) 627-1332
www.electricfactory.com
Humans, by nature, are prone to mix things: music and television, peanut butter and jelly, bubble baths and, well... bubbles. Flogging Molly's fusion of Irish folk music and punk rock is an altogether natural step in human mixology. Everyone has a little Irish in them; everyone has a little punk in them. Embrace them both at the Electric Factory, where you, too, can flog Molly. (We'll assume, for legal reasons, that Molly is neither human nor animal, but some inanimate object.)
Fat Joe
The Liacouras Center
1776 N. Broad St.
Sat, 7 p.m., $30-$40
(215) 204-2424
www.electricfactory.com
Obesity is a problem in America. Pizza, hamburgers and cheese fries make Americans fatter every day. Our hearts are bad, our arteries are clogged. And what's worse, we're ugly. Fat Joe is a rapper from the Bronx. A Latino-American, he is in touch with his heritage. But, of course, Joe's identity is not singularly Latino; it is Latino-American -- the "-American" in his ethnic description is essential. Without the "-American," Fat Joe would merely be another Joe.
Phil Collins
Wachovia Center
3601 S. Broad St.
Thu, 7:30 p.m., $67-$97
(215) 336-3600
www.electricfactory.com
Phil Collins is perhaps the most successful adult-contemporary artist of the '80s. (Yes, that's a double negative: adult-contemporary and the '80s.) Even today, four years into a new millennium, Collins is still as brutally tacky as he was in the that horrific decade of our past. It's a curious thing, but somehow -- by the mathematical rule of double-negatives, perhaps -- Phil Collins is still selling tickets to his concerts. Concert-goers can't help themselves. Collins is like crack-cocaine.
Ghost
The Khyber
56 S. 2nd St.
Thu, 9 p.m,, $12
(215) 238-5888
www.thekhyber.com
Ghost is a local punk rock band, which needs desperately to change its name. Actually, "Ghost" is already taken, because trust me, there are a half-dozen Ghosts on www.allmusicguide.com alone. That being said, the Khyber is a relaxed Philadelphia venue, where the city's best indie and unsigned artists perform. And I'm pretty sure that the name "The Khyber" is original, which is more than I can say for Ghost.
Friday Night Jazz Jam
Jack's Firehouse
2130 Fairmount Ave.
Fridays, 10 p.m., free
(215) 232-9000
"Do it, baby! Shhhiiiiiittt! That's some fine, fine sax." -- These are the sounds of a jazz jam. Uninhibited and often inarticulate, the attendees are as colorful as the musicians themselves. Philadelphia is one of the great jazz towns. It was the one-time home of John Coltrane and Clifford Brown, and today, Christian McBride and Pat Martino make their homes here in the City of Brotherly Love. Take in the culture at Jack's Firehouse. "It's so sweet, baby. It's so sweeet!"
John Stewart
Tin Angel at Serrano
20 S. 2nd St.
Sun, 7 p.m., $20
(215) 928-0770
www.tinangel.com
This is not Jon Stewart of the Daily Show, it is John Stewart of the Kingston Trio. He's the guy that recorded the Monkees' hit, "Daydream Believer," a great song. Yet as I write this, I can't help but wish that the Daily Show's Jon Stewart were here, so that he could write this blurb and actually make it funny. But, no. It is merely a fantasy. Neither John Stewart nor Jon Stewart would ever write for this heinous publication. 34th Street will never be funny.
Social Analysis: Economic Justice
Philadelphia Ethical Society
1906 Rittenhouse Square
Thu, 7 p.m., free
(215) 735-3456
www.phillyethics.net/site/
Economic inequality is a formidable problem -- philosophically, politically and otherwise -- in America's cities. Your peers may challenge your conscientious decision to attend ("Come on, dude. It's Thursday night. Time to party.") but this forum promises to answer important ethical questions and to develop a deeper understanding of the problem and, perhaps, its solutions. Your friends are dicks anyway.
Thursday Drag Nights
Bob & Barbara's Cocktail Lounge
1509 South St.
Thursdays, 11 p.m.-1 a.m., $5
(215) 545-4511
This city, Philadelphia, was made great by cross-dressers (or men with long, white wigs). With the opening of the National Constitution Center, modern-day Philadelphia has reclaimed its feigned femininity. Join in the reaffirmation. Celebrate Philadelphia's cross-dressing community every Thursday at Bob & Barbara's. Don your stilettos, stop in and say hello to Bob and Barbara -- that's if you can figure out which one is Bob. Celebrate our forefathers.
