Stop It: Juicy Couture
This should be obvious, but pink velour was made for teddy bears, J.Lo, and ... no one else. Cotton candy track suits are embarrassing enough, yet to have JUICY emblazoned on your ass is just pathetic. Juicy Couture used to be arbiter of sleek simplistic style for those in the know, but now they just tout mall-rat fashions at boutique prices. Not only did they popularized the velour suit, easily one of the tackiest trends of the past few years, they've been disseminating these ill-fitting T-shirts with unoriginal sayings. Lines must evolve, but Juicy is not aging gracefully. It's actually more of a reflection of the botoxed, 40-year olds who live in their clothes and won't let go of their glory days. Juicy, how could you?
Rock It: Curious Perfume
Because "Baby ... One More Time" is still on loop in your Ipod. Because you subscribed to In Touch just to get the details of the Britney's white trash wedding. Because everyone wants their own unemployed, slovenly backup dancer husband with babymamadrama to call their own. Yes, Brit is a slave to the dollar, but at least she doesn't pretend be anything she's not. For all we know, her perfume could evoke sweet sentiments of your Iowa farm upbringing with its dewey fresh clean air scent. Most likely it's that peculiar but unmistakable aroma of open ass after a nasty night of debauchery. Ultimately, it doesn't matter, because we love Britney in all her country, Kentwood glory. And at least we'll have something to match those stained cut-offs we all have and will always love.
