Claymobile Creations
The Clay Studio
139 N. 2nd St.
Fri, 5 p.m. - 9 p.m., free
(215) 925-3453
www.theclaystudio.org
Remember when you made arts and crafts for your mom in third grade, and even though the sculpture of your pet dog you made her looked like a cow that just got out of rehab, she still said that she loved it? Now there's an art exhibit of equally shitty work. This clay exhibit features the work of pre-pubescents from the Philadelphia area ... who are also struggling artists? These kids should be learning multiplication and grammar, not how to become homeless.
Toby Old: Times Squared
The Sol Mednick Gallery
211 S. Broad Street, 15th floor
Fri, 10 a.m. - 4:30 p.m., free
(215) 717-6300
www.uarts.edu
Toby Old's interesting photographic collage of the street, the arena, fiction and sex is diverse and bizarre enough to keep anyone's interest. As an added bonus, there will be wine, cheese and probably a crowd of artistic European boys. Just don't hook up with a painter. Never ever hook up with a painter.
Gary Cawood: Night Patrol
Gallery 1401
211 S. Broad Street, 15th floor
Fri, 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m., free
(215) 717-6300
www.uarts.edu
Cawood's latest exhibition features his photography of small towns at night. The title "Night Patrol" must be a play on police patrols ... Does Cawood think he has some special authority whereby he can patrol for deviant acts? Please, he's just a photographer. Or maybe it's a whole metaphor: he captures unusual moments with his camera just like cops arrest unusually reckless people? Hmm .... Think about that one.
Ayanah Moor: Representin'
Painted Bride Art Center
230 Vine Street
Fri, 5 p.m. - 7 p.m., free
(215) 925-9914
www.paintedbride.org
In this exhibition, Moor explores hip hop's portrayal of women through prints, paintings and drawings. She questions the double standard of women as sexual objects who are not allowed to have active sex lives themselves. The theme echoes a certain pop song: "The guy gets all the glory the more he can score / While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore." Ayanah & Christina together? Whoa, I'm so there.
9x9: New Prints by Mid Atlantic Arts Foundation
The Print Center
1614 Latimer Street
Fri, 11 a.m. - 5:30 p.m., free
(215) 735-6090
www.printcenter.org
This exhibition features nine artists from nine different states who were selected to showcase their prints. Get nine friends and dress to the nines to see these 9X9's. Come on, it's free artistic stimulation, what have you got to lose? Just don't go at nine (p.m. or a.m.), 'cuz it'll be closed.
Artist' Exhibit
Artists' House Gallery
57 N. 2nd St.
Fri, 5 p.m.- 8:30 p.m., free
(215) 923-8440
www.artistshouse.com
Artist House artists create work that deals with the "benevolent potential" of emerging technology. Maybe it's just me, but I always thought technology was pretty good -- it's allowing me to write this, you to read this, and for all of us to talk to each other from different dorms through our computers. I guess this show is made up of artists who see the world through the half-empty glass. Not quite the optimists, huh?
Jose Parla
222 Gallery
222 Vine Street
Fri, 6 p.m. - 10 p.m., free
(215) 873-0750
www.222gallery.com
Parla's work reflects his interest in urban life and how cities behave as "palimpsests" (ooh, big word, don't worry I'll translate), which are objects that have multiple layers, with each layer replacing the previous one, and therefore a lot of history beneath the surface. The result: graffiti-like paintings. Sounds like an intellectual coverup for playing around with paint abstractly and getting away with it. Rock on Jose, you share the Penn affinity for B.S.-ing.
Architectural Student CompeTition
3rd Street Gallery
Fri, 5 p.m. - 9 p.m., free
58 N. Second St.
(215) 625-0993
www.3rdstreetgallery.com
The race to build a better bench has never been so exciting. Now that we're all officially "postmodern," even Legos are acceptable architectural materials these days. So who needs a Target in Center City? For a place to check out the latest trends in hip dorm furniture, look no further than First Friday.
Earl Lewis: Realistic Watercolors and Ken Batista
The Rosenfeld Gallery
113 Arch Street
Fri, 5 p.m. - 9 p.m., free
(215) 922-1376
www.therosenfeldgallery.com
Whenever people talk about watercolors, they always talk about how difficult they are to work with. But I say they're just making excuses. Sure, watercolor may have been difficult for Mary Cassatt, but she probably just didn't know how to hold the brush. E. B. Lewis, now there's a man that knows what strokes to make.
Pontormo, Bronzino, and the Medici
Philadelphia Museum of Art
26th St. and Benjamin Franklin Parkway
Fri, 10 a.m. - 8:45 p.m., $7
(215) 763-8100
www.philamuseum.org
Feb. 14th will be a depressing day for most of you. Because most of you will probably forget to go to the Renaissance Portrait exhibit at the PMA, and it ends Feb. 13th. So on Valentine's Day, when you wake up alone and realize that no one delivered roses to your door, that you'll have to mooch chocolate off your roommate again and that you were too lazy to go learn about the Dukes of Medici ... man, your life will suck.
The Poet and Painter Series
Kelly Writers House
3805 Locust Walk
Thu, 7 p.m., free
(215) 573-WRIT
www.writing.upenn.edu/~wh
William Corbett, in collaboration with Penn's School of Design and Penn's Creative Writing Program, bring us a fun exhibition filled with poetry readings, slides, discussion, and basically everything artsy and pretentious imaginable. I know that for some of you, those Converse-clad Fine Arts students are so intimidating that you're afraid to even breathe in their air, but if you can work out your inner demons, you might find a spanking good time.
Exhibition: Experiments with Truth
Fabric Workshop and Museum
1315 Cherry Street, 5th floor
Fri, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m., free
(215) 568-1111
www.fabricworkshopandmuseum.org
This exhibition at the Fabric Museum looks at documentaries and why people are so obsessed with them. I am sure more than just a few good men and women will be in attendance. Let's just say you can't handle this exhibition. And we'll leave it at that.
Faculty Dance Concert
Conwell Dance Theater
Broad Street and Montgomery Avenue, 5th floor
Fri-Sat, 8 p.m., $8
(215) 204-7600
www.temple.edu/boyer
Watch the true masters get down, ballerina style. It's like if Stetson, Gutmann, and DiIulio all exposed themselves to us on stage. Not like that, asshole. Stetson would be a waltz man, DiIulio would be big in the pirouettes for sure, and Gutmann ... she'd be the one who starts out classical then rips off the cape to reveal her hip hop attitude and choreography to a remix of "Jenny on the Block" and "Yeah".
Chef Poon's Chinese New Year's Banquet
Joseph Poon
1002 Arch Street
Sat, 2:30 p.m.- 10 p.m., $29.95
(215) 928-9333
www.josephpoon.com
Anything with banquet in it is sure to be amazing. Add Chinese food and you get a delicious combination. The Chinese New Year is upon us. With that said I will save you from any "year of the cock" jokes that I might have written down next to my computer. So check it out because if you read this for any longer, I might have to start pulling those cock (or Poon) jokes out.
Keats & Beats Poetry Night
College Hall, 4th floor
Tue, 8 p.m., free
http://www.philomathean.org/kb/
Ok, let's be real. I write poetry about my dead bird, Pepe. You write poetry about that girl you see on Locust Walk every day. This is an opportunity to share your poetry with equally sappy and terrible poets. Who knows, you might find that that girl you see on Locust is actually writing poetry about you too. So go, you might actually learn something about poetry. Or score.
Fair Trade Chocolate Sale
Houston Hall 116
3417 Spruce Street
Tue, 4 p.m. - 8 p.m.
(215) 898-4636
Chocolate is probably the essence of all goodness in the world. This sale at Houston Hall is a must go. Not only is chocolate the only reason I get up in the morning, and the reason I haven't killed myself yet from lack of a boyfriend, but also this sale helps the countries in West Africa who are desperately poor. So go and help out.
Moiseyev Dance Company
Irvine Auditorium
3401 Spruce Street
Tue-Wed, 7:30 p.m., $30-$50
(215) 898-5000
In case you missed the show last year, don't worry your pretty little head. Russia's premier dance troupe is back at Penn. This 85 member group performs elaborate Russian dance and acrobatic routines around the globe, and Penn is lucky to have them back. Maybe you'll even pick up some sweet dance moves. The high kick is totally going to be the new Rockaway. I'm telling you right now. Hell, I might even write a bad rap song about it.
Square Dance
St. Mary's Parish Hall
3916 Locust Walk
Tue, 7:30 p.m., $3.50
(215) 386-3916
Finally! An event on campus that will get you in touch with your white trash roots. Sure you live on Long Island, but your dad was from South Jersey. His best friend's parents owned a farm and sometimes they would shoot their own dinners.
Renaissance Fencing Class and Tournament
ARCH Auditorium
3601 Locust Walk
Mon, 7:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m., free
All are welcome to join the ranks of Hamlet, King Arthur, and other medieval knights for a free Renaissance fencing class. I don't know about you, but for me fencing was always that extracurricular activity one or two of the dorks in my class took up so they had a better shot at getting into college. Well, now that we're in college and don't have to worry about such things (I hear grad school prefers something less violent, like ping-pong), I say we give the "sport" a try. But please, no poisoned tips.
Women Without Men
Irvine Auditorium G16
3401 Spruce St.
Thu, 6 p.m., free
I was really hoping that this would be a film about hot lesbians. But alas, this film is actually about a former prisoner of conscience in Iran. If that's how you choose to kick off your weekend, way to be.
Frantz Fanon: Black Skin, White Mask
International House
3701 Chestnut Street
Tue, 7 p.m., $5-$6
215-387-5125
www.ihousephilly.org
The story of the Algerian, anti-colonialist, psychiatrist Frantz Fanon as told through interviews, archive footage and reconstruction -- you know, like when they would show the 55 year-old man having a heart attack on Rescue 911, only he wasn't really having a heart attack, just doing a really good reenactment. The film pays tribute to the legacy of the Black Skin, White Mask author and master of black visual and performance arts.
Korea Film Festival: A Stray Bullet
Annenberg 111
3680 Walnut Street
Tue, 7 p.m. - 9 p.m., free
http://ccat.sas.upenn.edu/ceas
When I was first starting to write this, I thought to myself, "Who would go to a Korean Film Festival?" But then I woke up and realized that I am surrounded by Asians. There is probably one standing in my room right now. So I'm going to say go to this movie because it is considered one of the best in Korean cinema. At least it will be more culturally enlightening than Fat Albert.
Tommy Castro
World Cafe Live
3025 Walnut Street
Thu, 7:30 p.m., $23-$50
(215) 222-1400
www.tommycastro.com
Fidel Castro's estranged son has been allowed on U.S. soil for one night only and he has chosen to spend it right here in Philadelphia performing soothing blues music at the World Cafe Live. OK, fine, he's not related to Fidel. But he is friends with Carlos Santana.
Black Brown and Tan
Trinity Center for Urban Life
2212 Spruce Street
Sat, 2 p.m., $12
(215) 842-2544
Black Brown and Tan probably have something to do with music since they are being featured at the Trinity Center. And I'm all for cultural music. It combines the best qualities of a college student: it gives us a chance to learn about something while at the same time not really actively doing anything.
Jazz on Vine
Painted Bridge Art Center
230 Vine Street
Sat, 7 p.m. & 9 p.m., $30
(215) 925-9914
www.paintedbride.org
I enjoy jazz in most locations, but I think Jazz on Vine is just a little better than anywhere else on earth. The jazz series at the Painted Bridge Art Center is the longest continuous series in Philadelphia. So use the logic you use to make most decisions-if everyone else is doing it then it must be good. This must be good.
The Jack Dejohnette Latin Project
Zellerbach Theatre
3680 Walnut Street
Sat, 8 p.m., $21-$38
(215) 898-3900
www.pennpresents.org
Celebrate the hotness that is Latin music. This showcase of Latin percussion features drummer Jack DeJohnette, master conguero Giovanni Hidalgo and other artists who will trigger those reoccurring fantasies you have of wearing a frilly, slinky red dress and driving an old school Cadillac and being a member of the Buena Vista Social Club.
Peco Family Concerts
The Curtis Institute of Music
1726 Locust Street
Sun, 2 p.m. and 4 p.m.,
(215) 893-7902
This Sunday's concert at Curtis is an introduction to percussion instruments. If you were the kid in elementary school who always got stuck playing the wooden block in the rhythm band, then you should definitely attend this informative show. Not like there's anything wrong with the wooden block section. I mean, you're not as cool as the tambourines, but you're better than the tap-a-taps.
Josh Groban
Wachovia Arena
255 Highland Park Blvd.
Mon, 7:30 p.m., $32.50-$67.50www.wachoviaarena.com
Could we call it "Popera" artist? Surely any 22-year-old lad who has already teamed up with our favorite collar-bone-defined diva Celine is worth checking out. Contemporary or classic, call his style what you want, this "divo" is just plain dreamy. If you are from the Philadelphia area, call up your folks and check out the show with them -- this is the kind of family-friendly guy that would make Rosie cry.
Broadway Bound
Walnut Street Theatre
825 Walnut Street
Thu-Sat, 8 p.m., $10-$55
(215) 574-3550
Three's Company. Third time's a charm. All good things come in three's. Judging by these unfailingly accurate maxims I feel nothing but optimism and anticipation for this show, the final chapter of Neil Simon's trilogy about two brothers in Brooklyn trying to deal with their crazy family.
