It's a state that some are and some aren't. Penn's big, sure, and it's sort of diverse in its own quaint way. Still. There's such a thing as Penn-ness, and you know it, and I know it and God knows it too, if He exists and cares.
But how is it defined? And, more importantly, how have I become "very Penn"?
The truth is, I don't know. Even now, I don't think of myself as "very Penn." Sure, I'm a Jew from New York whose father is a lawyer, and yeah, I'm friends with some sorority girls/frat boys and, ok, I'm the editor of what might be considered a major campus publication, but still ... I'm from the Upper West Side. I've never been to a sporting event here. I own one pair of jeans, and I can't even find them.
The first time I was told I was "a typical Penn student" I laughed. The second time, I cried. Now, I just shrug. And then cry.
It's not that I don't like Penn. I like it here ok. (Fine. I'm a fan.) I just don't know how it happened. Was my Penn-ness innate? Or was it nurtured?
Jake Lavine has seen the other side. He has been one of us, and is no longer. The following is his story:
"I am right now sitting in the Gymase de Sciences Po Paris, my third University in three years. You see, I too once read 34th Street. I too once dreaded the sleet and hail through Superblock. And I too once -- I assure you just once -- fucked under the button. (Damn it, that's a lie.)
"Now my life has changed completely. Instead of reading 34th Street, I devote my Thursday afternoons to FM (Fifteen Minutes). Instead of the Tampons, I restrict my sub-zero parades to gates which promise to grow my wisdom -- what?! And I really did fuck in the Widener stacks. (Yet to be verified). You see, I am now a Harvard student, and let me tell you, it is so much better in that miserable, dark, stuffy, sexist, blue-blood, virginal, antisocial and frigid university.
"I digress. I wanted to write about why I love Penn. Because when I bitched about how much Penn sucks I took simple things for granted. Like the Quad -- Yona, Trina, MoMo, Klein, Dines, Maxxy, all you Penn-lovers out there -- you know what I am talking about. I assure you, in the Yard, people do not love college like they do in the Quad. (Hill, I'm sorry, I am not qualified to write about you. Only brunch.) You see I thought Harvard would be the same as Penn. Really fun. And ... it ... is ... I promise ... I ... love (barf) ... it ...
"It's not the same. People don't like it there. People love dining halls, they love 'Houses' (and I don't mean frats), they love cock, they love John Mayer, they love heaps of bricks, they love seriousness, they love Haaaaaaaaahvard (although they won't admit it), they love exclusivity, they love themselves, they love love love money and they love FM.
"But the thing is, and I try to tell them, they ain't never seen 34th Street. Penn, this one's for you."
Well, I like exclusivity sort of, and cock isn't always that bad, but John Mayer sucks ass. Plus I own Uggs, two Penn sweatshirts and some vintage (circa '98) Juicy.
Sigh.
"Even though I know/ I don't want to know/ Yeah I guess I know/ I just hate how it sounds" --
-Yona
