MTV has created a monster. The monster stands about five-foot-six and weighs a generous 260 pounds. At 49 years of age his main hobbies include harassing women and drinking a nice cold Budweiser, preferably at the same time. His life has followed an unusual trajectory; after some 20 years delivering luggage he now spends time with Playboy models and groping Hulk Hogan's daughter. That monster's name is Don Vito, one of the stars of the MTV Jackass spin-off Viva La Bam.
It is 11:00 p.m., an hour after Don Vito was scheduled to arrive. I make conversation with the bouncer, predicting Vito's ride. When he does finally get there, he's unceremoniously dropped off in a taxi. Vito is not one to be concerned with appearance.
When Vito and I finally sit down to talk, he is a little preoccupied. "Can we get a beer? Where's the fucking girls?" We are sitting in a nondescript office, secluded from the bar below us, and unfortunately for Vito, secluded from the booze and college coeds. Meanwhile, I attempt to figure out what life is like for a man like Don Vito, whose life has changed from revolving around a blue collar nine-to-five to taking constant physical and verbal abuse from his nephew, Bam Margera, on national television.
It's clear that his world is consumed by Viva la Bam. His favorite shows include, not surprisingly, Viva la Bam, Jackass and Wild Boyz. Every anecdote begins with, "Did you see the episode where...?" I am afraid to tell Vito I have lived without the luxury of MTV for the past four years of my life, thus depriving myself of the background knowledge he demands of me. In the course of 10 minutes Vito doesn't attempt to gloss over any details of his life. He shows off his wounds and battle scars, accrued over two seasons of madness and mayhem in the Margera family. "Bam broke my arm two months ago," he says, showing me his grotesquely swollen elbow. I'm about to suggest medical attention when he moves on with the display, "and I burned my foot on that last episode." He takes off his shoe and sock and unveils his injury in all its disturbing glory, a scene that will undoubtedly haunt my dreams.
It eventually becomes clear to me that quasi-celebrity status has changed Vito little. His life may revolve around the show, but the show centers on his family. When I ask him how he feels living life as a full-time dirty old man, he answers, "It's not being a dirty old man. It's just having fun." You can't argue with logic like that.
Catch Viva La Bam on MTV at 9:30 p.m. on Sundays.
