For the alpha male, nothing is more appealing than a perpetually inebriated blonde who's drunker than a Mississippi sheriff and looser than a Playboy Bunny. And no one fits that bill better than Tara Reid. Despite making several tabloid splashes (in her own vomit no less) in the mid '90s for her promiscuous party-girl persona, it was not until 1998, with her auxiliary role in the cult film that re-popularized white Russians, The Big Lebowski, that Tara established herself as an actress. Later Tara proved the age old axiom that "nice sluts finish first" as she turned in Oscar worthy performances in American Pie (1999), American Pie 2 (2001) and National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002).

In recent years, Tara has been seen less on the silver screen and more on the exotic nightclub circuit. "I'm not perfect," says Tara. "I do drink, I do smoke." And apparently you have sex with anything that can stumble home with you at night. When countless college-aged individuals claimed to have experienced "10 minutes in Taradise," it becomes obvious Ms. Reid is officially no longer even a blip on the Hollywood radar screen. At 30 years of age, Tara can no longer get away with playing slut-tacular, uber-bitchy college girls for a living. Now, directors blatantly reject her spontaneous sexual quips that have always been so autobiographical in nature. The question becomes: does anyone actually enjoy watching a thirtysomething shrew slut herself out to random, sleaze-ball European clubbing aficionados? Apparently, E! was mesmerized by this premise and believed it could be a runaway reality hit. E! introduced Taradise in September 2005, but in a shock to entertainment industry connoisseurs everywhere, the program was cancelled within a month.

As I gaze into my not so predictive crystal ball, I see Tara Reid as a middle-aged coke abuser who is just desperate to find a stage. Ms. Reid, may I suggest Club Wizzards?


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