You can too. Street brings you the top ten ways to get into an MFA program at Yale.
Suck up to your professors. No, not all of them (why waste your time and dignity?), just the ones in your major and/or who you will need to write letters of recommendation. For some inconceivable reason, grad schools put a lot of weight on these (even though we all know that they are all mostly a crock of shit). So while you may hate yourself for it (we do too), sucking up just might be your best bet.
Send a videotape along with your application, in which you cover up the fact that you're entirely unqualified by parading around butt naked (oh wait, we forgot - you should wear a pink bikini). As you explain how everything in your life has prepared you for this day, take care to excitedly splash around in a steamy hot tub. If it worked for Reese Witherspoon, it'll work for you.
Don't worry about being an alcoholic. It's the key to success. To be frank, we say "hells yeah" at the thought of you drinking yourself into oblivion. You want to understand character motivations, don't you? Well, how you ever gonna impress theater aficionados with your rendition of Blanche Dubois (like Meryl), without a little moonshine in your veins.
Dress yourself in all black (we're talking pants, shirts, shoes, socks - the whole shebang). Don't even think about adding a little color to that ensemble, unless you want to end up homeless on the street singing for a living. As any theater buff can tell you, color and theater just don't mix.
Attend an all-female college - all that estrogen is sure to make you act like the drama queen of the century. You know what happens when you're surrounded by a bunch of sexually frustrated women, don't you? You go crazy. We're not talking a little bit zany, we mean completely bonkers. This exposure to pent-up sexual energy will of course provide great material for any aspiring actress. Look at Meryl. She went to Vassar.
If you can't act, try costume design. You just might be able to trick the admissions committee with tales of behind-the-scenes drama. Meryl's about being a triple threat (acting, singing, costume design), but you can't be expected to perform at her level. Translated: fakery is the way to go. Besides which, how are they gonna know the truth anyway? It's not like they're psychic or something, right?
Choose a controversial audition piece (preferably something racist, anti-Semitic, or all-out stupid). You might get booed but at least they'll remember you, and as everyone who's anyone will tell you, that's what really matters. Case in point: Michael Richards. He may have earned himself some new enemies with his racist diarrhea of the mouth, but he also managed to get himself back in the press, didn't he?
Spend a summer skiing in Vermont. This might have nothing to do with acting, but it'll make you well-rounded and, hell, we all know how the people at admissions love that shit. Besides which, if Meryl's resum‚ reads, "Spent time at ski lodges in Vermont," yours should too.
Instead of throwing four months of your life away to study abroad, just do a semester at a school virtually identical to your own. Take this opportunity to hone your already emerging talents. So you won't be as well-rounded. but who cares? You get points for demonstrating a commitment to your passions, too, right? Well, maybe not. But no one really knows what the tyrannical bullies over at admissions are looking for anyway.
Just be God's gift to mankind … la Meryl Street. You ain't never gonna fail.
