KISS KISS, BANG BANG
Assassins
Arden Theatre Co.
40th N. 2nd St.
Today, 8 p.m., $27
(215) 922-1122
www.ardentheatre.org
You love music. You want to love theater, but the cheesiness of the scripts and lyrics always makes you leave the show wondering why you paid for Broadway when Blockbuster would have satisfied your entertainment needs. But what happens when you cross a musical with the suspense and character development of a thrilling film script and talented cast? You get Assassins, a 5-time Tony award-winning show that picks apart the personalities of nine dissatisfied Americans who all try to kill the president. For just $27 you can watch a superstar cast, including three F. Otto Haas Emerging Artist award winners. Get dressed up, go to dinner and make a night of it. Houston's Video Vault can wait.
--- Malka Fleischmann
ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT
Philadelphia Singles Kayaking on the Schuylkill River
Walnut Street Dock
Saturday, 9:45 a.m., $49.99
(877) 668-MEET
www.meetmarketadventures.com
Ever been on a blind date arranged by your sightless, semi-senile great aunt Tilly who thinks that a successful yet profusely sweaty forty-five is the new twenty? Well, let's hope not. But whether you have or not, if you're looking for that special someone and trying to avoid awkward, forced encounters, maybe it's time you tried Meet Market Adventures. This exciting singles recreation group is every bit as fun as its adorable title. With over 55,000 members enjoying after-work parties, weekend activities, vacations and cruises, you are bound to find not only a great group of friends, but one wonderful person with whom to share it all. What better way is there to spend a sunny Saturday afternoon than kayaking with a bunch of hot, available people? And even if you go home alone that night, you'll bring home a gorgeous Schuylkill River tan and maybe some phone numbers.
- Malka Fleischmann
Much Ado about
everything
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare [Abridged]
The Shubin Theatre
407 Bainbridge St.
Saturday, 2 p.m., $20
(215) 592-0119
www.phillyfringe.com
If you slept through high school English class, here's an easy way to catch up to your friends who sound smarter than you. This weekend the Marathon Theater Collective is squeezing all of Billy Shakespeare's works into a ninety-minute comedy show. Sure, Shakespeare might have jumped into the Thames at the idea, but this promises to be more fun than Smoke's no matter what kind of mood you're in - be it contemplative ("To be or not to be?"), sexually frustrated ("Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?") or obsessive-compulsive ("Out, out damned spot!"). Plus, it's a great way to impress that smart chick you picked up at Fisher Fine Arts last week when you were stopping in to go to the bathroom.
-Hayley Barton
VEGGIE ROCKS!
Veggie Cabaret
The Rotunda
4014 Walnut St.
Friday and Saturday, 8 p.m., $15
(215) 413-1318
www.livearts-fringe.org
The Philly Fringe Festival takes vegetarians and vegans out of Whole Foods and onto the stage at the Veggie Cabaret. Presented by Public Eye: Artists for Animals, and with performers such as comedian Sue Kelly, cartoonist Dan Piraro and puppets named Tofurkey and Turducken, this show celebrates the vegetarian lifestyle and invites meat-eaters to learn more about the joys of green food. Skits about veggie-dating may even offer tips about keeping broccoli out of your teeth while out with the veggie-lover you spotted at Gia Pronto. So herbivores and carnivores alike, check out what vegetables can do in the spotlight. But be warned: following the show, you may be inspired to brave the produce section of Fresh Grocer.
--Emily Ozan
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMIN (FRANKLIN), BABY
Breakfast with Ben
Independence Visitor Center
6th and Market
Saturdays, 9 a.m., $20
(800) 537-7676
www.breakfastwithben.com
As Penn students, we all have a soft spot for our illustrious founder, Benjamin Franklin. Some of us may even have a veritable celebrity crush on the striking, curvaceous man who invented bifocals, the lightning rod and the Franklin stove. If you've ever flipped through US Weekly lamenting yet another Lindsay Lohan exploit and thought wistfully, "That Benny Franklin, now there was a man I would love to see in the tabloids.," then this is the breakfast for you. At the Independence Visitor Center on Saturdays, you'll get to dine with the very man whose button inspired our imaginations and several Facebook groups. Snap a photo with Ben! Get his autograph! Just don't tell him what happens to his statue after 1 a.m. on a Saturday night.
-Aliza Hoffman
