Listen up, readers, lend me your ears and your eyes for just a moment. This, here in your very hands, is a magazine called 34th Street Magazine. To clear up a few things to start, we are here to entertain you, hence our status as an Arts & Entertainment magazine with a stress on both the former and the latter.
I am going to start at the end, or as close to it as possible. This week we are running superlatives (Low Brow, pg. 14). We do this as a means to humiliate a small, select group of freshmen. It is tradition.
Do not be alarmed. It is all in good fun and jest. You see, although we try to entertain you with arts, we also entertain you with crude, and at some points rude, humor. Welcome back if you are returning; welcome if you are coming for the first time .that was not a crude joke, but it can be if that is what you want it to be.
We are here for you and we are excited to be back, in well, action.
Read up and enjoy. We have some pretty fantastic things planned for this semester. So many fantastic things that you may just pee in your pants when you read us. Disclaimer, you may not pee in your pants, but if you do, this magazine can also double as an adult diaper. Keep that in mind.
So, to heck with suspense. Get started, go on now, do not be shy. Go on and get reading. Thursdays are now going to be the best days of your week. Trust me on that one.
Ta, ta for now or until next Thursday aka the next best day of your life.
