I'm broke and all my friends have a shitload of money. It's affecting my social life. Help!
This is tough one. On the one hand, if they are truly your friends, they won't pressure you to spend more money than you can. On the other, you don't wanna be the buzzkill that brings the group down. "I can't go to El Azteca tonight, I need to buy food! Can't we do something else?" Very easy to sound whiny and needy. And then there are the friends who always offer to pay for you. It's sweet, but it still makes you feel like the token-poor kid of the group.
Well, don't lose heart! There ARE solutions. First off, I've got one hyphenated word for you: PRE-GAME. In every sense of the word. When your gang hits up the bar scene, fork over the cover charge and explain that you're ordering water because you're already so sloshed you need to regain your momentum. You probably won't even have to lie, especially if you introduce tequila to your pre-gaming scene. (I highly recommend throwing freeze-pops into the blender. Your shoddy handle of Montezuma Gold will go down much more smoothly, it tastes wonderful and it's a hell of a lot cheaper than margarita mix). When your BFFs decide that they don't feel like cooking AT ALL this week and insist that y'all go out to Marathon every night, you can still go. No one has to see you stuff your face with Ramen and frozen peas half an hour before your restaurant outing. Sure, your friends might worry that you have a slight eating disorder, but it's a smaller price to pay than nine dollars for that fancy burger.
But if your pre-gaming attempts fail and your wallet remains perpetually empty, all is not lost. Ever consider trying to to raise funds? So what if you didn't qualify for work-study and no one at Van Pelt will hire you? Nothing a good old-fashioned bake sale won't fix. When people ask you what cause you're baking for, simply reply, "charity." They most likely won't ask questions, and its not like you're lying. Another idea - put together a yard sale. Your housemates probably won't notice if a random plate, lamp or knick-knack suddenly disappears. A quick phone call to daddy will have the thing replaced in no time.
If all else fails, throw yourself a pity party. Invite all of your rich friends. Serve ice water and the oatmeal cookies you stole from the dining hall. Let your eyes well up every so often, just to set the mood. Folks are bound to respond, and you just might get a free burger out of the deal.
