As the old saying goes, there are four things that every true musician needs: a former member of 98 Degrees as a brother-in-law, lip service from Ryan Cabrera, a very, very loving father and a reality show. Unfortunately for Ashlee Simpson, the last factor on the list revealed a complete inability to sing, in ways that even Autobiography, a failed Orange Bowl performance and a Saturday Night Live disaster could not.

The fact that Ashlee writes her own lyrics might be surprising, if not for lines like “You think you know me. Word on the street is that you do,” and “I love how you can tell all the pieces of me.” She is a self-proclaimed simple, sexy girl in this messed up, crazy world, and her music proves it.

Last week I received a haircut remarkably similar to the one that Ashlee got when she decided to stop living in the shadow of J. Simp’s dream. At first I was embarrassed, but then it hit me as fast as one of Ashlee’s throat disease flares: I was going to make everyone want to la la.


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