It is during this time of year — the performing arts spring show season — that the less-than-talented among us realize just how awesome our singing, dancing peers are. In the spirit of said talent, we decided to check out a different type of performance: the Miss Philadelphia Pageant. Well, the tickets told us it was a pageant. The marquee outside of Drexel’s Mandell Theatre told us it was a “scholarship program.” Oh, euphemisms.
When we entered the auditorium, we snuck a peak at the program and saw that not one, not two, but four Penn girls were competing. While we found this completely antithetical to most things Penn, we decided to reserve our judgments until after the show.
And oh, what a show it was. Some highlights lowlights included: an introduction of the 2009 contestants inappropriately set to the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack, the lecherous host telling the crowd he broke his femur (read: his thigh) and subsequently claiming paralysis, the girl who could recite the ABCs backwards at alarming speed and the sad Miss Philadelphia 1999 has-been who came back to perform a god-awful song and dance routine.
Let’s talk clothes. We can’t decide what was worse: the dowdy ’80s-style suits that contestants donned during the interview portion or the slut-tacular ’80s-style gowns cut up to there (no seriously, we’re surprised we didn’t get any Britney-stepping-out-of-a-cab shots).
Penn was reppin’ though. One contestant described her role in the Penn Sign Language Club, while another name-dropped Professor Eisenhower. In the end, the Quakers cleaned up with 5th runner-up, 3rd runner-up and Miss Congeniality awards. While we were pretty damn horrified by the entire spectacle (a bad high school talent show, cheap decorations and all), we always like asserting our “Best of”-ness, so garnering a few wins for our alma mater provided a sense of embarrassing satisfaction. Now please excuse us while we take a shower.
