TOASTS
Rush is, like, totally the worst week ever. Highbrow salutes the end of man-flirting and sorority-schmoozing as we welcome the glories of pledging.
To cap off the week of fratitude, two gentlemen took a Saturday evening stroll on Locust — naked. Balls-a-flyin’ and bros-a-cheerin’, these boys celebrated the end of rush in style. Though we commend their ballsiness (pun!), we hope these pledges know there’s a semester full of pledgetastic nudity in store for them.
The DP reported sorority pledge class size increased by five women per chapter. Congrats sororities: more girls for you to haze the shit out of (mandatory nail painting, eeks), and more for us to stereotype.
ROASTS
You have got to stop throwing these shitastic soirees if you plan to uphold our title as the ‘social Ivy’. This week Highbrow gives a big ole thumbs down to Penn parties:
At a certain off-campus fraternity’s latenight this weekend, not only did a girl’s hair catch fire, but apparently the brothers don’t quite understand the parameters of a ‘late night.’ Residents of an unspecified tree-named street report that despite a minor location change, the shindig lasted until 2 p.m. the next day. How much coke does one have to snort to handle 24-hours of fist pumping?
Happy 23rd birthday Kat! Oh wait, what? Kat’s not a real person, but rather a beard for Kappa Alpha Theta’s 23rd Bid Day party? Creating a pseudonym does not make your infamous black and gold party any less offensive.
This year’s DP Banquet did not provide the usual open bar. Only sufficient lubrication can ease the awkwardness of 200 DP staffers in one room. Thanks recession, for making our Saturday night just that much more uncomfortable.
