Dispathes: The Line

9:00 p.m.: Arrive. Set up our beds (twin air mattress for two). 9:28 p.m.: Everyone is corralled into the Palestra. Basketball players are introduced, one by one. It's taking for–fucking–ever. 10:25 p.m.: The basketball–themed contests meant to pass the time commence. A kid doesn’t know what a suicide drill is. Makes a fool of himself. Awkward. 11:00 p.m.: Burrito–eating contest time. I don’t get on a team. Sad face. 11:06 p.m.: Guys basketball players fail at competition eating. Kind of like they fail at competition athletics. 11:14 p.m.: A girl on the basketball team eats a burrito in an impressive eight bites, immediately pukes it up into her hands in a shockingly solid form. Am no longer upset about being excluded from the contest. 11:17 p.m.: Chick baller is still holding the burrito and pacing back and forth. Ew. 12:20 a.m.: Somebody decks a girl basketball player in face during the dodgeball tournament. She writhes on the ground. 12:24 a.m.: We realize the collision was caught on video. Watch on repeat. 12:30 a.m.: Show the video to the ‘decked’ basketball player. Entire women’s team yells at us: “It’s. Not. Funny!” (Oh, but it was.) 2:59 a.m.: Latenight… quizzo? A basketball player's response to “Why is the Grinch evil?” “His shoes were too small.” 3:34 a.m.: Head to bed. 4:15 a.m.: Heating system in the palestra sounds like somebody being whipped. Give up on sleep. 7:03 a.m.: Wake up. Find out that Penn Athletics changed the seating rules and the whole sleeping in the Palaestra get up was completely unnecessary. Swear a little. Mash my teeth. Decide that I’m too tired to care anymore.