Still reeling from [insert egregious Halloween–homecoming contraction here]? With the 2010ers back to relive the glory days — too soon, we think — trying to reclaim their thrones and pushing our beloved Smoke’s to full capacity, boy was last weekend hard.
It seemed the boys of Phi Delt had a similar encounter with harsh hands, though an OFSA–sized slap on the wrist hardly seems comparable to dropping the soap these days. We hear that Phi Delt is in biiiiig trouble for throwing a joint downtown with Theos (who, for some bizarre reason, are the popular choice this semester for social–climbing frats to partner with). You see, Phi Delt, most frats use a pseudonym not for the ultimate prestige and douche–toolery that comes with being known as ‘X’ productions, but because it allows them to operate covertly. We hope you've learnd the lesson. Here's another for good measure: don’t pick a stupid name for next time boys, *cough* Remix Monkey *cough.*
Either way, we hear the downtown was the usual regurgitation of elitist crap. With a $10 general admission line which went around the block and an “exclusive” $25 fast track line, Penn was divided along party lines. Theos: separating the crass from the class, one penis enlarger at a time.
Amittedly, our weekends probably weren’t as hard as they were for some Pi Kapp alums who spent Saturday in a jail cell. Drunk and disorderly, one bro tried to evade arrest, and, well, failed. Of course, seeing one of their own knocked down by the law, the alums’ brothers valiantly tried to bail him out but ended up getting locked up themselves for their own drunkenness. Imminent returns to the real world must be harder when staggered by court dates.
And on to the Mermaid of Pine Arms. Didn’t mother ever tell you to remove the ramen noodles from their packaging (plastic included) before submerging them in scalding water? Well, thanks to this dimwitted siren, Pine Arms residents were forcibly evacuated last Thursday at 2 a.m. when the fire alarm was triggered and wouldn’t stop beeping for over an hour.
And in this week’s edition of things that make us want to spew: Republicans took over Pennsylvania. And Zete took over the IFC. Shit’s going to hell.
