I promise I’m not a freak and that I have at least a basic–to–intermediate grasp on social interactions. But there are some questions I have that really keep me up at night. Why do people love talking about their bowel movements? It’s gross and I don’t want to hear about it, least of all when I’m eating. Who made kitten heels a thing? Those are just the worst. How do people start papers any time before the night before they’re due? Is that really something people do or do they just say that to make me feel bad about myself? But most of all, I wonder about whistling. I think about it a lot, really. Is it annoying? Is it appropriate? If so, when?

I’m being serious. I whistle a lot. Mostly when I’m walking somewhere alone, like to class or the library or my house. I figure it’s probably inappropriate to whistle while walking with someone, almost as if the whistling is in lieu of conversation. I mostly do it outdoors but occasionally I’ll whistle in the halls when I’m leaving class. Is this something everyone does or am I “that whistling girl”?

I consider myself to be a pretty decent whistler, too. Don’t ask me to whistle for you; I’m not a monkey trained to do tricks for you and I’m sure I’d mess up if I had any real audience. But trust me, when I’m alone, I’m like Celine Dion meets Michael Jackson meets Christina Aguilera.

My song choice almost always matches my mood. If people do notice that I whistle I hope, at least, that they pick up on that fact. I’ll do some Bright Eyes when I’m feeling depressed on the long walk down Walnut after a rough night in Van Pelt. The Jeopardy Theme if I’m feeling impatient. The Beatles if it’s a beautiful day outside. Whistling is a fantastic way to subconsciously manifest your feelings.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you don’t ever whistle, at least when you’re walking home alone, you should try it. I think everyone should whistle more! I have this friend who whistles through her teeth. It’s hard to explain. Like, she clenches her teeth and doesn’t really move her mouth but she’s found a way to make a strange whistling sound come out anyway. It really freaks me out. But at the same time, it’s oddly comforting. People are such mysteries and it’s hard to guess what’s going on inside someone’s head. It’s good to know that, with her weird whistle that I’d recognize from a mile away, I can tell if she’s pissed off or excited or in–the–zone working. Wearing your heart on your sleeve (or in the sound waves around you) like that is kind of nice. It’s honest, if you think about it. But maybe it’s just the two of us whistling while the rest of you cover your ears or avoid us freaks. I think I’m okay with that.