(610): Some lady just traded me beer for my seat on amtrak.
(732): …I may have left my shirt on the floor of your apartment.
(412): Drinking while in the shower is literally the classiest type of drinking I can think of.
(639): Men of old money such as ourselves don’t get crabs, we get lobster.
(818): everyone’s capable of murder. Dog murder.
(434): I’m @ the liq store now…theyre sampling moonshine and totally got me to buy a bottle. It’s disgustingly intriguing (617): I wish we could have tossed notes to each other over the Berlin wall before they tore it down. (215): What the fuck are you smoking?
(434): I dont always beg girls to do blow with me...but when I do…its always you…
(818): hopefully I can sleep off some calories.
(609): Jibran Khan believe it’s not butter.
(321): Oh my God, Nutella flavored condoms would combine my two favorite things — Nutella and dicks.
(434): guess who just got subpoenaed
