This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013
Rise and shine! That is, after you roll out of this stranger’s bed. Is this the quad? No, worse: it’s Hill. You grab your shoes, pants, a cellphone that’s hopefully yours, a McDonald’s bag from the floor and make your escape. Check the bag o’ drunchies and claim your prize: a half eaten Big Mac, untouched fries that seem to have fossilized overnight and one (1) packet of BBQ sauce. Score.
Once you get home, chop up the remains of the beef patties, cheese and vegetables and throw them into an omelette. Toast the buns and toss the fries in the oven at 350 degrees for eight minutes to achieve a texture more akin to crunchy breadsticks—feel free to dunk.
For the lazy, opt instead to eat the whole thing, cold, on your walk of shame. Self–loathing never tasted so good.
