If you haven't heard, the Social Ivy has a new title—welcome to the #1 party school in the nation, according to Playboy Magazine. Highbrow will drink to that, Ben Franklin.

The yellow brick road isn’t always smooth. Sources witnessed a Theos/Oz couples brawl this weekend that was too intense for Penn Police to handle, leading Philadelphia cops to intervene. Highbrow had hoped that these nice, Jewish boys could live in harmony with the creation of some kind of TheOz peace pact. Maybe one day.

The Wicked Witch of the West may melt in the rain, but Kappa Sig brothers don’t. Eager to spend some quality time with André, the brothers held a champagne–fueled darty in the rain. In return for braving the weather, two thirsty TriDelt girls felt they deserved party favors. One greedy sister was caught stealing of a case of champagne, while her sly friend managed to get away with a bottle. Unfortunately, upon entering the Radian, she dropped it, and the shattered glass resulted in seven stitches on her ankle. Karma’s a bitch—her name is Highbrow.

Last time you were at the Inn at Penn, were you dressed up for OCR or undressing in a fifth floor suite? Sources tell us that a group of gays recently hosted an orgy at the hotel, and invites were quite exclusive. Regular orgy–attendees keep coming back for more, but are on the look out for new boys, so check your Grindr for next month's invite. FYI: it doesn’t always suck to suck.

You can look, but you can't touch...a house’s Greek letters. This weekend, two SDT sisters sought revenge on the boys who stole the T from the porch of their chapter house. Upon discovering its location, the girls, dressed in black, surreptitiously grabbed the T and fled down the fire escape—those Flywheel classes have truly paid off, ladies. The other letters are still missing, and Highbrow hears that the sisters are sitting shiva for the loss of S and D. (Ed. note: send a tip to 34st.com if you know their whereabouts.)

We have some political news that will blow Bill and Monica’s scandal out of the water. The Class Board of 2018 is looking for a President. One freshman released a rap video dissing other candidates in which he managed to be both racist and sexist, all while spitting shit rhymes. Even Highbrow is offended. Word to the wise: if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it at all. ;)


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