Attention: R&B sensation, Usher, graced Penn’s campus this week. He gave Highbrow his blessing to keep sharing West Philly’s juiciest gossip. Seriously though, we saw him at Metropolitan Cafe on Wednesday morning.

Want to hear a sick joke? After a birthday BYO, one overserved Fiji senior decided to keep the party going at the TriDelt chapter house. Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t hold himself together and puked all over their couch. Embarrassed, the drunkard tried to cover it up with pillows...but fell asleep on top of it instead, leaving a pleasant surprise for the sisters in the morning. Maybe the TriDelt house really is the illest house on Spruce.

Speaking of puking, seniors aren’t the only ones making a mess. Before the annual OZtoberfest, the brothers hosted a rush event pregame, featuring sophomore girls dressed up as beermaidens. The girls’ job was to make the rushes drink, but it seems like they did their job a little too well—six freshmen were puking within the first 30 minutes. The brothers had to tell these ladies to slow down, but in our opinion, if you can’t handle your liquor—auf wiedersehen.

Bodily fluids were a common theme this week. It looks like Penn’s serial shitter might be making a comeback. Students found a pair of shit–covered boxers lying in the middle of a Huntsman bathroom. Apparently, this student managed to annihilate both the toilet and his boxers. Maybe the stress of midterms was too much for this sad Whartonite. And you thought you were having a shitty night in Huntsman...

One junior girl, on the other hand, had an MDMA–zing night this week. After drinking a little too much at a downtown, this drunk scenester thought some coke would make her more alert. However, after doing a quick line in the club’s bathroom, she noticed that she had the wrong baggie o’ drugs. Our friend started to roll, realizing that she had grabbed Molly—not her coke. We all make mistakes, but sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches.