Let’s face it—your steamy visions of a hot Mexican fling are unrealistic. If you’re single and ready for a Pringle, have no fear. There are ways to heat up your winter before spring break: Christian Mingle, JDate, Grindr, or, for most of us, Tinder. If you’re boring and ugly, there are a couple of quick and easy tips for you to maximize your chances for landing that special someone via Tinder before you take off for PV.
1. Take pictures with all of your ugliest friends.
Everyone always assumes that you’re the ugliest in a group pic, so you’ll be in the clear when they swipe to your second pic and see you’re not the ugly duckling of your friend group. Set the bar low and impress! Blow their expectations out of the water with your mediocrity!
2. Filter your pasty skin.
Nothing says poor, boring and nerdy like a pallid complexion from serving time in Van Prison. Slap a couple of filters on that shit. You just spent last weekend in the south of France and not dropping 84 resumes on PennLink! Instagram magic!
3. Dress to impress.
Pretend you’re not the washed up, twice divorced, 43–year–old father of three—get rid of your Lee’s jeans and baseball hat. If you’ve got nice clothes, make sure people can tell. Pull out your Canada Goose and make sure the tag on the left arm is casually – and completely noticeable. If you want to be show–y, make sure the H on your Hermes belt is front center. You’ll find that H coming off in no time. Because you're Hot shit.
4. Have a witty bio—or just drop “Penn.”
Maybe pretend you’re in Wharton. Even if it’s not witty, you’ll get a solid amount of action because people equate Penn with success. Keep lying to your parents; you totally have a life plan.
5. Have a hot bod and show it off.
Nothing is sexier than a casual beach pic during the winter. Always have at least one shirtless or bikini pic sprinkled into your profile.You’ll be sure to get plenty of messages commenting on your toned bod—on Tinder and in the bedroom.
