(408): I just watched a video of a man sexually arouse a pig.
(585): Side note: when you go to the doctor's and they ask you how many alcoholic beverages you've had in the last week, "I don't remember" is not an acceptable response apparently.
(559): I just ate Chinese and now I have to swim for lifeguarding. End me.
(818): I'm finally single wanna do Jell-O shots?
(310): I kept calling him Pablo or Pedro and he kept saying his name was Peter. Idk, when in PV...
(718): Why can't I date middle aged lesbian women?
(312): She put her finger in my butt and yelled BEEP. Never again bro.
(323): My parents already think I'm a slut.
(281): I just left my grandparents a 10 minute voicemail of me trying to buy coke off a random Mexican guy.
(410): Plz come over I waxed for you.
(757): I farted on the massage table so I don't think I'm allowed back there. Like ever.
(646): I snapchatted my sister a dick pic...
(202): I don't know what happened but I told him I couldn't blow him because I had a nut allergy. Which also isn't true.
(305): LOL her hair caught on fire from the champagne sparkler. What a JAP.
(516): I puked in my purse last night but fished out my coat check ticket to give to the lady. Call me Lohan.
(917): Is there a Chipotle in PV?
