1. Make it a spring piece instead of a winter staple by pairing it with a miniskirt or a bikini—or better yet, just underwear.
2. Donate it to an actual turtle. Turtles get cold too.
3. Eat it. Turtlenecks have lots of healthy fiber.
4. Sacrifice it to a pagan deity of your choice.
5. Stretch it around your bike for a v Pinterest–y bike cozy.
6. Plant it in the ground to grow a turtleneck tree.
7. Get a tiny turtleneck tattoo on your arm to remember all the great times you had with your turtleneck.
8. Give it to a friend as a present. Now it's her problem.
9. Use it as inspiration for a poem.
10. Take a long hard look at your life—why the fuck would you ever buy a turtleneck?
