After Fling and 4/20, there’s nothing worse than coming down in a VP carrel. Love might be Kesha’s drug of choice, but we prefer gossip. We hope your finals are easier to pass than your summer internship’s random drug tests.
Kesha’s dancing penis wasn’t the only dick on display this weekend. At a carnival–themed Fling celebration, the infamous Oz monster came out to play. One freshman boy was butt–naked and painted green, as he ran around the party, brushed up against guests and even danced on the roof. Unfortunately, Friday’s chilly temperatures didn’t help the nude boy’s one–eyed monster, which retreated back into its cave. Despite his penis size, this guy definitely has some serious balls. But we can't exactly say we're green with envy. But for future reference: the bigger, the better.
Even though the Oz monster wasn’t packing it, the Pool Party was packed this weekend. To our surprise, sources tell us some students actually used their brains during Fling. After tickets quickly sold out for the Pool Party, students turned to the world’s most reliable source: Amazon Prime. These savvy students knew attendees received wristbands for entry, so they simply ordered wristbands from the website, which ultimately granted them access to the event. Congrats, geniuses—looks like you all Madoff with a nice sum of money.
Although students avoided paying for Pool Party tickets, not all avoided injury. After finally pushing through the crowded venue, one boy decided to purchase a celebratory round of drinks for himself and a few lucky ladies. As he was handing his card over to the bartender, he accidentally dropped it and reached over the bar to try and retrieve it. Unfortunately, the bartender thought he was up to no good so he whipped around and served him a tall glass of rum punch–in–the–face. We hope being in the Round Up isn’t another slap in the face. Remember: it’s fun until someone gets hurt—then it’s funny.
One, two, three strikes, you’re out, at the old ball game. Highbrow hears that two students tried to run the bases at the Campbell’s Baseball Field party, despite the fact that attendees weren’t granted field access. Security guards on site spotted the duo rounding third and tackled the pair before sending them home. We wonder: were they snacking on Cracker Jack’s or just plain crack? Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.