Welcome back to campus, Quakers. While your tan lines may fade, your drunk escapades remain the same. Remember: the only thing worse than being cut during rush is winding up in the Round Up.
Bitch betta have my money. During a date night in New York, a Sig Nu brother ran into a little trouble when one of the bouncers approached him while in the VIP section, demanding $2,000 on the spot for the open bar and admitting everyone without checking IDs. Showing the student he meant business, the bouncer then flashed his gun. Scared shitless, the brother was only able to shell out $500 dollars and then hid from the bouncer for the rest of the night, but at least he could show his rushes how frat he is! Didn't anybody ever tell him to never go past 44th Street?
Only some, it seems, are scared shitless though: that's right kids, the serial shitter has been reincarnated. Sources say that a so–called shit phantom has been leaving his
ectoplasm feces all over the walls of Hill. Highbrow hears that, after one brave Quaker called him out for his haunting behavior, he woke up to a giant dump sitting outside of his door. To be fair, maybe it was the E. coli.
Hill wasn't the only thing that got a little mesSAE last weekend. One queasy Quaker started throwing up all over herself and her casanova's bed while he was going down on her. A true gentleman, the SAE junior carried his lady friend to the bathroom and attempted to rinse her off in the shower. We guess that's one way of getting a girl wet.
Speaking of thirsty girls, TriDelt execs were eager to (s)rat out sisters of Theta and SDT for going out during rush. Sources say TriDelt sent SDT an email threatening to tell OFSL about some of their sisters’ drunk escapades, while other DDDetectives even encouraged members to take pics and screenshot snaps of the rule–breakers. OFSL was equally as PanHell–bent on keeping tabs on the sororities. Highbrow hears that one administrator ordered her ad–minions to make rounds at Smokes’, hoping to also snap some incriminating pics. Great job OFSL, but mostly a huge congrats to TriDelt for utilizing snapshots rather than snap bids this year!