For the long distance couple

You’re probably saving money to go and visit each other, so a cheap but thoughtful gift is in your best interest. Lovebrow suggests crafting a doll of yourself out of your shower hair. If you live in a dorm, you already have to collect your hair from the drain, so this is an entirely practical, minimal effort and endearing gift to all.

For the “we’ve been dating for three months, a week, and two days” couple 

You’re at that point when you’ve had fun and like spending time with one another but don’t really know how the other person truly feels about you yet. And, they probably don’t fully know either. So this Valentine’s Day, give them the gift of knowledge. Break up with them so they can see how they really felt about you.

For the dude with commitment issues 

So Fear Factor was always super successful by having people get over things by facing their fears. This is exactly the method you need to employ. Buy tickets to something a year in advance and mold yourself a copy of his key. If he won’t let you into his life, claw your way to the entrance.

For the “cool girl” girlfriend 

She’s just one of the bros anyway so get her a gift that says, “you’re a man now.” Lovebrow suggests dumping a beer on her head, throwing condoms at her and asking her to help rank how hot all her friends are. That’s what boys do behind closed doors, right? Right.

For the one who’s “abroad” 

If your significant other is “abroad” we all know that really means non–existent. But do yourself a favor and order edible arrangements and cake to be delivered to your door. You might feel weird attaching a personalized steamy message, but you’ll thank us when your roommates see a bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries that came all the way from “David” in London.

For that one night stand you had last month that gets really nervous around you 

Just because you’ve never seen them without drunk goggles on doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a shout out on Valentine’s Day. And nothing says thanks for deciding I was hot enough to be around your genitalia better than a negative pregnancy test at his doorstep.

For the significant other who said they wanted nothing

You’re on your own, buddy.


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