Step 1: Water. Drink it. When you think you've had enough, you haven't.

Step 2: Pop those pills. And we're not talking about the Ritalin you copped in Mexico. Advil, Tylenol, and Vitamin C supplements are your new friends.

Step 3: Exercise. Start with small things. We guarantee that five minutes into your first elliptical session, you will have sweat out 40% of the tequila in your body. 

Step 4: Aloe the fuck up. Most of you were too wasted to re–apply/apply sunscreen in the first place.

Step 5: Revisit your childhood. Realize how disappointed your 12–year–old self would be with the decisions you've made. This will bring back the perspective and direction that you had in your life before PV.

Step 6: Avoid social media for a few days. Not only should you be napping instead, but your psyche can only take so much. Clear your mind before school eventually consumes it all again.

Step 7: Similarly, avoid embarrassing hookups. Unless they're in your classes. Then just sit very far in the back with your head hanging low in shame.

Step 8: Complete steps one through seven for the first three days and then revert back to your party ways because ST. PATTY'S.


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