Did Fling BLAU (3LAU? Who gives a shit) by for you? Because it did for us. As we all come down from our weekend highs and start to gear up for finals, Highbrow wants to give you one last treat for your VP reprieve. If this semester has taught us anything it’s 1) Don’t kiss and tell, and 2) Definitely don’t piss and tell. But rather than learn from these mistakes, Highbrow’s totally cool with you continuing to make them. The show must go on, right Chance?

At the Castle and Oax Magic Gardens downtown, one junior boy looking to take a tinkle decided the bathrooms at the venue were too inconvenient for him. He snuck out from the private section and climbed on the stage, where fire–throwers and women on stilts had been performing. But that was not a rabbit in our fiesty friend’s hat: he let loose his golden showers in the spotlight, attracting the attention of some very angry security guards. He pulled it off like a boss, but we’d rather he save his sorcerous tricks for the line at Magic Carpet.

Speaking of lines, pool partygoers experienced a lot more waiting in lines than actually doing them. Sources leaked that bathroom lines were so long at the Theos and A’s Pool Party that a number of partiers resorted to peeing in a closet at Bamboo Bar. Too many people followed this model pee–havior, including one Oax freshman who was eventually kicked out of the venue. Refusing to take no for an answer, our clever friend took a lap around the block, changed her hairstyle and wore her clothes inside out, before miraculously making her re–entry into the bar. Props on Bamboo–zling the bitchy bouncers, despite the sketchy hOax that it was.

Downtown indiscretions didn’t stop there. In an effort to find her lost phone, one girl attempted to retrace her sloppy steps via her succession of Snapchat stories. After determining that her phone was in the bathroom, she started aggressively banging on the door, and opened it to find someone mid–pee. The bathroom’s current user emerged from the restroom yelling, before punching the other girl directly in the face. The cheap (Snap)shot easily could’ve escalated into a brawl, but bystanders were able to separate the feuding females before any further damage was done. Ladies, ladies. We get that you were both a little awk–cupied with things. Maybe next time try to roll with the (metaphorical) punches?

But at least some people decided to make love and not war. Over Quaker Days, a party was thrown for prospective students in DuBois, where many a sloshed pre–frosh got their first taste of Penn. After likely comparing SAT scores, two partiers snuck off and had sex in a student’s bed, before being walked in on by an unsuspecting senior. Highbrow reports that acceptance rates might be at an all–time low, but pre–frosh libidos appear to be remarkably high.


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