On Tuesday evening, in conjunction with the Annenberg School of Public Policy and the U.S. Secretary of State, the Penn Wharton Public Policy Initiative hosted a symposium to choose Anna Goldman’s (W '18) new profile picture. Speaking on the panel was acclaimed personal brand consultant Becky “Becky” Johnson, U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki–moon, Ms. Goldman’s best friend Lea and The One Guy Who Never Likes Ana’s Profile Pictures (C '17).
In her opening statements, Ms. Goldman declared that looking at her current profile picture made her “sick” and “if [the symposium] can’t decide this now I will literally have to excuse myself from society and join an order of Tibetan monks.” With this in mind, the symposium began.
The choice was between a composed portrait with the subject looking nonchalantly at the camera and a selection Ms. Goldman “swears was candid.” Mr. Ki–moon admitted that his experience with decision–making in times of crisis had not prepared him for the task at hand. “I thought the Syrian refugees were struggling; clearly I spoke too soon,” he commented, continuing that “if I can solve this then resolving the Israel/Palestine conflict will be simple.” Though generally amicable, Mr. Ki–moon was frequently visibly frustrated with The One Guy Who Never Likes Ana’s Profile Pictures who did not appear to agree with the Secretary General regarding the gravity of the situation. The student’s suggestion was to “just zoom in on your current one so it re–crops and looks like a new pic.”
Ms. Johnson advised the young socialite to choose the portrait. “Pretty much every employer will look at your Facebook page,” she counseled. The “whoosh” that echoed through the room was the sound of every student in the room’s futures running away.
Lea (the best friend) appeared to be suffering from some kind of psychotic break as a result of the symposium. The young woman could only utter an occasional, “I can’t even,” because of the undue stress resting on her Lululemon–clad shoulders.
After 12 hours of fierce deliberation, the symposium came to an end. The outcome? The more casual choice. “I want people to see how easy– going and completely sane I am,” Ms. Goldman concluded.
